Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/relationship problem
I met this guy on Facebook & we got talking & slowly fell in love. He told me he had 5 realationships earlier & that they didnt work out. His wife left him with their 12 yr old daughter, who is now 20. I left my husband, who used to physically abuse me & moved in with him against my family & friends advice. We got married in a temple. He was very caring, told me that he loved me all the time. Then his old class mate who he hadnt seen for 35 yrs came to our city.He told me that he would take me to meet her. But he went to meet her without telling me, saying that he had to work late. I was very upset but he said that there was nothing to be upset about as they were just friends.
We were on a holiday & someone kept calling him, but he didnt answer the phone. finally when I took the phone from him the caller turned out to be his ex girlfriend. The poor lady didnt know that it was all over between them as he didnt tell her. He just stopped talking to her. Now he tells me all the time that he sees no reason why he shouldnt be friends with his ex girlfriends.
His daughter hates him. She told me that I should leave him as he is a womaniser.
He always tells me now that he is incapable of having feelings for anyone or anything, all that he cares for is himself.but he also says he loves me & wants me in his life, though not as frequently as earlier. I am now in another city staying with my friend. He calls me everyday, though not as frequently as earlier. Sometimes when I call him at night he doesnt answe, saying that he was sleeping, but I see him post comments on Facebook. I asked him if he wants to breakup, he says no, but I really dont know what to do. He tells me that when he is old he wants to go somewhere all by himself. All his plans for the future dont include me-it's only him. I dont knwo what to do. I quit my job, my family's thrown me out, I have no money,what do I do. I am staying with a friend for a month & then I go back to him. Is he having secong thoughts? does he love me ? He's not told me he loves me for a long time. If I tell him, then he says he loves me, not on his own. Please advise.
You need to sit down with him as soon as you can and have a serious heart to heart talk with him. He needs to know how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. You need to find out how he truly feels about you. And if he's even willing to work on this relationship, b/c if he's not then you want out. It will take a while to move on with your life w/o him in it, and it'll take time to get back on your feet, but you can do it.
If he agrees to work on the marriage, then you have to take it slow and work on things together as a couple. Communication is going to be key in how successful this marriage will be. Marriage is a lot of work, and it takes time, energy and a lot of work and dedication from both parties.
It's really hard to tell what he's feeling and thinking right now by his actions. It sounds as though he's putting up a small effort, but not a big enough one as you've mentioned. Some men want the woman to do everything and to make things better. Not sure why some men do that. He must love you to some degree b/c he is staying in touch with you and putting forth some effort (as I said before, he could do more, but will he--that remains to be seen). Some men aren't very good with showing their feelings and emotions and some are even worse at saying they love you or how they feel at all). Perhaps he's one of those that can't really express his feelings and thoughts in words very well. Talk to him and hopefully by talking things over, you can work things out. If not, then you need to make plans for your future and where you want to go from here on out.