Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/How do I get my ex of 8 years back? I'm 6 months pregnant with our first child
Let me start by saying my ex and I were not married but were together for 8 years and living together the past 6 and a half years. I though we had a great relationship. The last few weeks we lived together he was acting weird, not talking to me much, avoiding me when he could and just wasn't his usually self. I finally confronted him about it and asked if he still wanted to be with me. He gave me no response so I said "well I'll take that as a no since you didn't answer me" that's when he said he wasn't happy anymore. When we found out we were expecting he was thrilled and always said how he was going to be such a good dad. We were trying for this baby for a long time. After saying he wasn't happy he said that he did still want to be there for me and the baby. I moved out a week later and he has only text me once regarding a check that we both had to be at the bank to cash. Other than that nothing. I've tried texting him but his response was that for now he didn't want a romantic relationship. It's been 5 days and I finally gave in and text him again asking of we could get together and talk. He agreed, which I hope is a good sign that there might be some hope. I don't know if he is jus scared and that's why he's acting like this or what it is? I want him back so badly and I know we are meant to be together. I'm completely heartbroken and I don't know if this is just what guys do when their scared or what the deal is?
Thank you for asking what is most certainly a very difficult question in the midst of a very heartbreaking situation.
Human relationships are often very complicated when first viewed but the reality is often quit different when a few pieces of information can be understood. Based on what you've described you and your husband have had a very good relationship and only turned uncertain when the the possibility of real responsibility came into your lives.
Fear may very well be the reason for his current behavior and that fear can cause many to act irrationally and completely opposite to what others have come to expect. Being pregnant for a women is filled with the wonder of a new life and even though scary at times the hormones of the female compensate and fill the woman with the nurturing instincts that men do not naturally possess.
We learn to protect and love our offspring by virtue of the love we have for our wives and that love grows as the relationship grows. Many men have a strong sense of duty and that duty also establishes itself as a guide to how to act and react when a new life is presented in our relationships.
Your husband may not be having these feelings and may be only feeling the fear and trepidation of drastic change, not only of his financial responsibility but in a real sense by seeing the changes in you physically and how those changes will effect him on a selfish level.
He may very well come around on his own, given enough time. The problem is you need him now and truth be told he needs this time with you as well in order to prepare for the coming of this child. let me suggest the following:
1. dont contact him at all. Send him only one text or email saying that you're excited about having his child but you will be prepared to do it all on your own if he wants out. Let him know that you will not be contacting him again and any further contact will have to come from him.
2. prepare for the worst by either moving in with friends who can be a support or move back with family if its a positive environment, you must find a positive position for the birth.
3. continue to reach out to his family if you have that kind of relationship. His parents will be grandparents and they may be very helpful to you and the child. Do not alienate his family but continually act in a positive manner, speaking positively about the father of the child.
4. He will only come around when he is able to face his fears and understand the great loss in his life. If he does not come back then you will have the answer and will have been prepared for it.
These are not easy times. this is not a great situation to be in but I want you to know that you can make it work and chances are he will make the right decision to come back and be the man you believe him to be.
In the mean time surround yourself with supportive and loving family or friends, grandparents and parents who love you and want to care for you. Brothers and sisters if possible and if need be move to where they are in order to get the positive support needed.
I am hoping you have someone who can fill those duties but do not pine away waiting for this man to come back, that would not be healthy for the child nor for you.
Please feel free to ask for clarification on this advise and let me know if you can what you decided.
my best wishes on a wonderful pregnancy and a loving birth.