Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/husband and his mother
this may be long. im sorry for that. been married 51 years. marriage has been up and down mostly down with many problems. he has lied cheated on me, and actually left 3 times o.ly to come back and i let him.i would never do it again except that i have 3 lovely good children from this marrisge and that alone is a miracle since there was a great deal of fighting and crying. we also raised our 17 yr old grandson to be a nice young man. ok. tbings leveled out when my husband took his ss and began to work for someone else part time. after our last foreclosure it took lo.g time to forgive him but i eventually did. i decided we could try to get along and i would try to love him again. then his widowed very able mother moved to our town. with his encouragement. i begged him to encpurage her to move closer to his brothwr who has means and spent more time with her thru the years. my husband was the black sheep because of financess etc. and not included in many family things.
hings. we saw them few times per year and husband never seemed to care. i didnt either si.ce i took care of the kids and loved my own ailing elderly mother veryuch. his parents did not show their love and never wanted to help. in fact they pretty kicked their boys out after 18. i never cared for them but was always civil and polite. here we go now. he spends a lot of his time and energy now gping to her apt. she has a helper. she is very strong mentally and only just begun having physical problems. broken hip. copd and still smoking. 88 or 89 yrs. old and looking to make 100. she xalls his cell at least daily and wants something silly or something her helper could do. like getting meds from drugstore tjt delivers. except that he offered to get them. or take her to the doc. or get up out of his recliner to go get dog treats. on and on. sometimes he even takes her our food. which i do.t mind its just the idea tht he is always thinking of her. he s never done that before. i try to save him steps and energy so he can do thi.gs at home like fix a light fixture or paint a bedroom. and i do need him now as i recovered from polio as a teenager but it came back to bite me i. t
he behind. and its hard for me to do the thibgs i used to do. i thi.k she s actually in better shape than me! we argue over this a lot. i try to keep it squelshed down but sometimes it flares up and its ugly. two old folks still fighting. sad and disg usting. ifeel si.ce he knows how i feel about his mother why cant he respect that enough to at least pretend that he ll put my feelings first. i prety much am convinced he would step over my body to go see what she wants. i suppose i am jealous. and i feel he should be making up to me for all the horrible things he put us through. instead he seems to be yearning for her approval or something. i dont even know if i want to save whats left of this marriage. i want companionship and care annd some degree of love. incidentally even tho he used to be pretty virile, for the last year or two he is impotent and wont even hug me. we live like brother and sister. he doesnt seem to care. whether he has outside interests i dont know.
What do you want out of this marriage/relationship? If you feel that you're not getting what you need from him, then why do you stick around and continue to let him treat you in this manner? Why be with someone if he doesn't want to be with you? You're only prolonging your pain, anger, etc for him. I can understand not wanting to start over after such a long marriage (51 yrs is a very long time) and how you might be hesitant about moving forward with life with or w/o him. You need to sit down and think about what it is you want out of life, and what you want to do and where you need to go from here on out. If that means you feel you can't do this anymore and the marriage has run it's course, then so be it. Leave him and begin to move on with your life. Sure, it won't be easy but you can and will get through it. But staying and enduring isn't doing you any good if you have to constantly stress over his favoring/doting on his mother rather than you. I'm sure that doesn't make anyone in that situation feel very good.
You need to try to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him. He needs to know how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put u with in this marriage. Whatever that ultimately turns out to be. I hope this helps you some.