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Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Stuck in loveless marriage because of religion


I don't even know where to start. I am stuck in a loveless, romance less, boring and stagnant relationship. The husband and i have been married for eight years. At first he was very helpful. affectionate and attentive to my needs.Now we do not speak unless we have to and he complains to his friends that we haven't had sex over a year ( this is not true). We have had sex within the last five months ( i had a baby four months ago with C-section as my pregnancy was high risk.)he didn't care about that and wanted me to have sex with him even though it hurt to even walk. All this time i still had to be working and on my feet most days. When my back hurt so much that i couldn't sleep he just went to bed. My pregnancy was lonely and depressing.

Now i cant even stand looking at him. I have all these negative feelings bottled up inside that i feel for him and all he is concerned about is that we aren't having sex. How can i let him touch me without feeling violated or hating him even more? I do not enjoy sex with him. He does not please me and does not care about pleasing me in bed.

for eight years i have been the breadwinner. I have paid all the bills and he never volunteers to help. if i do ask for help, he interrogates me and complain about what i am doing with my pay. I am always stressed as the burden is always on me to take care of everything.

He goes to work when he feels like it and when he gets pay i never know. he doesn't give me anything and doesn't buy me anything. We have two kids together and i have to buy everything they need.

My religion does not permit me to divorce so i am stuck. I don't know what to do anymore. I am afraid of what the future hold and i don't know how to face it. please help me!

Hello Faith,
Being in an unhappy marriage and being unable to change things due to religious or cultural reasons creates a difficult and sometimes impossible situation. From the way you have described things, my advice would normally be for you to think about leaving. Even just the suggestion of it might be enough to get your husband to modify his behaviour. At the very least it gives you the chance to move on with your life and create the happiness and fulfilment that you deserve to have.
If you cannot do this (and perhaps you could make some enquiries with your church to see if it really is not possible) then you will have to decide how you can find ways to be happy outside of your marriage. This might be to develop other friendships and interests. You definitely need to find other people who can support you in what you are going through. I don't think our creator, whoever you believe that to be, created us not to be happy. Seek some support and realise you are supposed to be happy. If you do this you will find a way.
I hope this helps and all the best to you,

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Liam Naden


I specialise in helping couples save their marriage and rebuild it after major hurts such as an affair. Creating intimacy, removing hurt, dealing with sexual and communication problems. I have two relationship-saver programs and a free podcast which are available from my website and a free report, "The Five Keys to Saving Your Marriage Now" at


Relationship coach with own relationship coaching business. Author of several books on marriage and intimacy. I offer two relationship saving programs: "Stop Your Divorce" and "Save Your Marriage" which have helped many couples save their marriage and rebuild their love and intimacy.

Publications Amazon Kindle: Author of the ""Growing in Love for Life" series of ebooks for saving and strengthening marriage.

Master of Arts (First Class Honors)

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