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Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/confused about where my relation is going..

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hi..i had an arranged marriage.i have been married for one and a half year.my husband is very loving and good.but he has a habit of smoking one cigarette a day,about which he had told me beforehand.i have an allergy to cigarette smoke.i had thought that i could make him quit.he has cut down his smoking.but he is not able to quit as all his friends smoke.i cannot control my anger when he smokes and i am worried about his health.whenever we fight it is always due to this cigarette.he thinks its a trivial issue but for me it is eating up my mind,time and i have developed this fear..whenever i see him going out alone all i can think is that he must have gone off for a smoke,even-though he is not doing that.its making me paranoid and suspicious.

also i do not like his friends.they r nice guys but their motto of life seems to be just eat,drink,smoke and be merry.they force him too.
i really dont know what i want from him and what is happening to me

Answer
Hi Nandini,

I know of so many women who have faced this issue and were tensed all the time due to their spouse's smoking. Quitting smoking is one of the toughest tasks on earth, yes it's a fact. He is trying to cut it down and he has but peer pressure is the greatest motivator. Can you stop him from smoking at work? Can you tell his friends and colleagues not to smoke with him? Can you act like his guardian all the time explaining the ill effects of smoking? No, you cannot do it. It will have to be his will power that will work wonders.

I do understand the angst that you are going through but you can set mutually agreeable  rules like he won't smoke at home or when he is with you. Also you can request him that since you hate it so much and all the time this issue irks you, when he smokes at work, he can have a mint or chewing gum so that you don't get the smell.

Regards,

Vani

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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Vani

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Marriages are made in heaven! But in love marriages when the two partners belong to different nations, castes, races, social strata, backgrounds, the amount of understanding required is more. I can tackle queries related to love marriages of these kinds. Sorry, I cannot help out on gay and lesbian relationships and am neither a sex therapist nor an astrologer.

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20 years of a blissful married life.

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Masters in Business Administration

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