Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/controlling wife


my name is Ken and i was just reading a post from richard in 6/21/2009 and my situation is exactly the same. Ok, read this and give me your advice because I have been praying to God for the last 11 or 12 years but still waiting on God's answer.
 I don't go any place but work and back home. I've been on my job foe 35yrs and I'm 53 yrs.old. I don't have friends because of her. I don't go any place, not even visit my family because she always think the family is talking aboit her.I don't have friends visiting me because she is always in the room with us or if they do bring a female friend, she claim that I,m looking at her or she looking at me.  stop going to church with her years ago because she is looking around church seeing who is looking at me or who I suppose to be looking at.Every house that we moved in(3 times), she doesn't won't me to sit on the front porch, the back porch front yard or back yard suspecting that neighbors are looking at me. By the way, she doesn't work in 4years and when she did work, she come home 4hrs. earlier just to check up on me. Now mind you that I pays all the bills, car insurance and give her a little money to put in her pocket to spend but it's never enough.I have taken care almost the whole family with no pay or help. Her older brother about 6 months. Her daughter with 4 children for years totally- no help no pay. Her other sister with ms about a year when her husband didn't won't her-no help no pay and another brother with cancer at the time. He stayed with us 6 mos. until his death- no help no pay but not one of my children or family memily never stayed with us.
 She at times com home at 3,4 5 or 6 in the morning but I don't say a word.Her family members stay the weekend but never ask if it's o.k.She accused me of calling women on the cell phone so evenually for 3yrs I didn't use a cell phone but she always have one. She talk in the yard, late at night, in the car,etc. but I never say a word. When we do argued, I try my best to keep my mouth shut because she is vety volient. She drew a butcher knife on me one year. She cut my finger with a knife and dared me to go to the E.R.She called her brother to come over and jump on me from lies she told(he been in prison off and on for years)and a lot more that I won't mention.she call me all kind od names and talked about getting me fired on my job and after all is said and done, she want to have sex as if nothing has happen
   So please tell me what to do because I'm waiting on God's answer and maybe God will speak through you to me.
     Thanks very much

Hi Ken~

You are enabling her, by being her enabler you are allowing her to treat you like this.  So she gets away with every and any thing b/c she knows you will take it.  God will help those that help themselves.  If you're going to be a victim continuously then that's what God will allow to keep happening to you.  You must get away from this wicked woman.  She's doing evil things to you.  You've become so complacent that you're used to this treatment from her.  As long as you allow her to treat you like crap and abuse you, then this will keep happening.  As hard as it may be to leave her, I think you know that's the only solution to this problem.  And it's the only way you will ever have peace in your life.  A person can only take so much before they break, the question here is when is your breaking point.  How much longer before you finally say, NO MORE.  She's controlling you like a puppet.  She's stomped on your will power and taken what fight you had in you out of you.  It doesn't have to be this way, Ken.  It really doesn't.  We teach people how to treat us.  That's a very true statement.  I realize that you might have some hesitation about leaving her, if she will become violent, or if she will sick her family on you for leaving.  That's a chance you have to be willing to take though.  Do what it takes to get away from her and her family, they are toxic to you.  They are sucking the life out of you.  

She clearly has something wrong with her otherwise she wouldn't be behaving this way.  You have to figure out how to best protect yourself. If you have to get an order of protection do it.  If you have to ask for help finding a way out, then do it.  You have to be ready, willing and able to leave.  You can't keep living like this.  This is a horrible way to live, and hell you're not even living you're just existing.  That's no way for anyone to live.  You have to want it in order to get out.  The hardest part is taking the first step and then going through with it.  Trust me, I speak from experience.  My first marriage was abusive, so I know how much of a toll it can take on a person to come from an abusive situation.  And she IS an abuser, period.  Just b/c you're a man doesn't mean you're not being abused in more ways than one. It's not talked about very much b/c it's so taboo of a subject still even in this day and age.  

I would strongly suggest that you get some support whether it's from family and friends or wherever you can get it, so that you can successfully remove yourself from this abusive situation.  And I can't reiterate that enough to you, you are being abused and it's NOT OKAY.  Get a support system in place so that you can make plans to safely leave her.  Talk to someone at your job in HR (if you have someone that you can trust), and tell them what your situation is and that you don't want to lose your job b/c of your wife and what she might do to cause trouble at work.  If you have to have her arrested for harassment, then by God do it.  She has to see that you will no longer be her Patsy and for her to treat you like crap anymore.  You do NOT deserve any of this.  But I will tell you this, if you lay back and continue letting her do this, it will not only get worse, it will eventually kill you from stress and it's not good for your health.  Why always have your guard up and not be able to enjoy even the smallest things in life like feeling the breeze on your face on your own front porch.  I'm sorry but that is just BS that she's treating you this way, and it makes me very angry that she's doing you this way.  Everyone deserves to be happy, but not at your expense.  You are paying the price and getting nothing but crap and grief as thanks from your wife.  You are the one that has control over yourself and your life, and it does not have to be this way unless you want it to be.  The choice is yours and it's one that only you can make.  I hope this helps you some.  

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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