Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Sexless Marriage

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Question
Dear Tom,

My wife and I have been married for almost ten years.  She is my best friend and I feel so lucky to have her in my life.  Everything is great, we hardly ever argue, we make each other laugh, we encourage each other, support each other and take care of each other.

She had a miscarriage about five years ago and is no longer interested in sex.  Though it has been difficult, Iíve tried to accept the situation as best I can.  But every few months weíll be cuddling on the couch, or talking in bed, and I try to get intimate with her and it is clear she is not interested in doing anything more than kissing and cuddling.  So I get disappointed which makes her sad because she feels like she is failing me.

Weíve been through this cycle so many times and when we talk about it she says that itís her and not me and that she just hasnít been the same since the miscarriage.  But I feel hurt anyways.

I just want to find a way to accept the situation and appreciate all the great things about our relationship rather than being hurt by what we donít have.

Thanks for any help!

Much appreciated,

Jesse

Answer
Hi Jesse,

I am going to suggest something else.  First I suggest you see if she will see a doctor to make sure she does not have a hormonal imbalance or some other medical issue.  If there is none then she should see a therapist to find out why she does not want sex.  There can be many reasons related to the miscarriage: guilt, fear, anger.  She is probably not aware of why but a good therapist can help her understand and let go of those issues.  I think you should help her find her desire for sex, she will be a much happier woman.


Good luck,

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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Tom Blair

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Questions related to strengthening and saving relationships and marriages. Sexual relationship questions. Published author.

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Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

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Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator

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