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Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Any way my husband might change his mind?

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Hi. I will try not to make this too long. My husband told me out of the blue a couple months ago that he didn't love me any more and didn't want to be with me any more. He left, and came back a couple times, but now he has left for good, and he has been gone for a little over a month now. He is already trying to get the divorce process started. I love him so much and want to fight for our marriage. but he says nothing will change, he says he is 100 % sure that this is what he wants and he's determined that he doesn't love me any more. I'm heart broken and so sad, we have two young kids together, and i really want to try to keep our family together if possible. but i'm probably just fighting for a lost cause. I have been making a fool of myself begging and pleading and telling him how much i love him, thinking it will change his mind. it doesn't. but how can he be so sure of wanting this divorce for sure since he has only been gone one month.? Is there any chance at all, that he may decide to want to come home again. He tends to jump into things with out really thinking. He messed with my emotions in the past, leaving and coming back. says he loves me one day and doesn't love me the next. how can he be so sure this is what he wants. He has started to date another girl recently as well. so that's making me feel a lot more depressed. and feel like i have no chance. if he's dating, that means he won't want me back no matter what? i know i sound pathetic. i just want my life back, my husband, our family. The pain is so bad I can't stand it. I just want this pain to go away. He has told me very bluntly lately, that there is no chance he will change his mind, but yet, i can't stop myself from hoping deep down that there could be some hope. what do you think. Have you ever experienced a couple set on divorce, and then change their mind later, and realize they made a mistake. I just have this feeling, some day, he will come back and realize that he made a big mistake. I know i need to just let him go, but how do i do that. Is there any thing i can do at all to slightly improve my chances of missing me, even if he is set on this divorce?

Answer
Hi Ashley,

I am sorry for your marriage problems.   

I want you to understand is that he has the problem.  Not you.  He is the one leaving not only you but your children.  He is the one not willing or able to work on it.  If he is willing to work on the relationship there are things the two of you can do.  But at this point he does not seem willing.

The first thing you should do is to STOP giving him the power to make you miserable.  Stop begging.  Stop letting see you in pain.  Cry all you want in private and vent with your friends but not to him or in front of your children.  Why?  because it is not attractive and it makes him think "I am better off out of here".  I know,  that is very hard.

Next, go about re-creating your life.  If he is going to be a jerk, then let him see you happy.  Make yourself the strong, self assured woman that he wants to be with.  Living well is the best revenge.  Let him see that, for the sake of the kids, you would be willing to take him back, but only if he is willing to make some changes.  After all he is the one making the mistake.  Above all be strong.

If, at some point, he wants to come back, you will be in a position of power not need.  Then you can work on finding out what needs, emotional needs, are not being met (his and yours).  And together you can work on making each other happy.  If he does not come back,  you have moved on with your life and all is well.

Good luck,  

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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Tom Blair

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Questions related to strengthening and saving relationships and marriages. Sexual relationship questions. Published author.

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Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

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Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator

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