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Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/my husband states he is no longer in love with me


It is a long story but here it goes my husband and I have been together since we were 15yrs old we are now 32yrs old and we got married when our child was 2006 when our daughter was 4yrs old because our church pastor and his wife counseled us about fornication and we were new Christians on our walk well so much happened after this we both became involved in drinking heavily and drugs and just stopped going to church and living a horrible life one thing led to another i was caught up in a lifestyle that I'm reaping horrible consequences for i thought i had no way out and i believed the eye of the enemy about homosexuality and my husband would go along with it as well i think because he loved me so much he accepted that I was going out with this crowd and became involved with relationships that were immoral well i became heavily hooked on drugs neglected my child which is now 11yrs old i say this with tears in my eyes that now I'm not blind and deceived and greatly hope and pray that my husband forgives me but he told me on 9/13/2013 that he was done in 8/2013 he was still pleading with me and begging me to wake up and see what i was doing but he gave up and I wasn't listening the day he told me he was done I received a text from my pastors wife stating that God put me on her heart and just said "RUN TO JESUS HE IS WAITING". my husband and i come from very bad families i was molested he was abandoned in fact my dad let him move in with us when he was 16yrs old because his mom pretty much abandoned him with friends because she was drinking so much. so we pretty much only had each other to comfort each other and feel secure but i ruined that we have both put each other through some tough situations he left me for another woman 4yrs ago because of my actions again but came back and now we are in the same situation he now says that i hurt him so much that he checked completely out of our relationship he no longer feels any love for me or is in love with me he said he is here still living with me because of obligation to God and to see if God can change his heart towards me he feels that only a miracle can change how he feels he said maybe it's his pain blocking me out but that he no longer feels he can open himself up to me since September 2013 he now calls me his wife again he tells me I Love You when he leaves for work in the morning he tries he says he is really trying because he knows that the will of God is not divorce but he is scared that the love will not come back or that it will take to long for God to work he finally agreed after so much fasting and praying on my part he agreed to go to Christian Counseling that his friend and his wife agreed to counsel us they are a young couple from church that have helped us before when this all happened 4yrs ago so I'm hopeful that maybe God will work a miracle since He has shown me so many small miracles so far. i know that God is my answer I'm just so hurt that he keeps reminding me that he no longer is in love with me and no longer loves me i can't believe that our love for each other can just disappear i know when i was out doing what i was doing and living in the world i didn't care i had a hard heart but Jesus heard my husbands prayers and brought me back to my senses and i have given my life to Jesus so i know if Jesus can change my heart and how i felt about my husband He can do the same to my husband and I've explained that to my husband which he says that is the only reason he is still here and waiting because he knows that he just can't walk out with out trying everything to overcome this I told him that God brought me back at His timing not his (my husband's) timing so there is a purpose for all this happening to us we were both not living right and committed adultery against each other. How can i get through this and him telling me that he no longer loves me my church family just tells him to wait on the Lord that the feelings will come back that he is just angry and hurt and he says that he gets so frustrated with them saying that because he has never had this feeling towards me that he's never had to force himself to love me the wife of his youth the one that he fell in love with at first sight and it hurts him to say that and it kills me that i caused this to happen never would i have thought to hear that from his mouth. he is starting to be affectionate towards me and takes me and my daughter out he likes for me to just sit there and watch him play video games with him so it seems as though he does have feelings for me but then i get reminded of his harsh words there is still some drug use involved (pot) which he says he has no conviction of and he wants me to join in with him as well he said it's natural and doesn't see anything wrong with it he sometimes go out with his friends and drinks and that's when he wants to give up several occasions he comes home angry remembering everything that was done and wants to leave and give up on us i;am guilty of joining in with him as well I don't drink anymore or use heavy drugs anymore but i know that we have been made one flesh for a reason we have been with each other through thick and thin since we were children and i don't want to lose what we have also he is an awesome man he wants to see what happens since now we have Jesus as our foundation and we have never had that before both of our parents marriage was dysfunctional and now with guidance well with God's guidance i know we can do this!!! I'm just so sad when he tells me these words i don't' think he fully understands the meaning of love from what i get in the bible it is an action not a feeling we will eventually get feelings from loving one another God's way i know this to be true because why did God give me this love for my husband when it wasn't there just a few months ago I love my husband and my family so much i don't want satan to win this battle over my family I rebuke satan in Jesus Name! please help. thank you


You are telling me that you really want to be with your husband. He sounds like he wants to also be together but sounds like he doesn't believe you are really committed. This is so hard to judge because without being there it would be really hard to give you the kind of help you really need. The first thing you need to do is to face the underling sin in your life. You both have to confess what it is and to ask forgiveness. You will quickly find that when you discover the sin and repent you will start to see if you can be together. This will take some time and communication between you and your husband. He is also going to have to be willing to seek some counseling because forgiveness on his part is so critical at this point. You are right to believe that Jesus is the way for you both, but it is also going to take some commitment on your part as well. You had mentioned that you are close to your pastor's wife she may be able to at least meet with you and offer some advice on the matter. I believe that you are going to need a mentor that you can call on when you need the support. Your husband should also find a mentor that he can go to when he needs someone to speak to about your marriage. The church should also be able to offer some kind of counseling where you can at least be able to to meet with someone that can listen to both of you and be able to tell you what they hear is happening. You both sound like there has been some mistakes that need to be discussed and no one is completely at fault. We are all broken sinners that God is always working on and we can only strive to be like Jesus. Start with letting your husband know that you are really committed to him and the marriage and are willing to do whatever it takes to keep it together. When he is willing to see what happens then the healing can begin. He has to be willing to forgive you and also himself. When he is willing you need to speak to your mentor whoever that might be and get started fixing your broken spirit.  

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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Dr Tim Gladu


I will be willing to answer general questions on marriage. I will give the advice from the aspect of what the Bible has to say and the advice will be based on the Word of God. I do not give medical advice.


Experience in the area: I have 14 Years in Ministry. I have also been happily married for 21 years and have raised 3 Children Southern Baptist.

The Sarasota Academy of Christian Counselors. National Christian Counselors Association.

Bachelorís degree in Ministry, a Masters in Pastoral Counseling and a Doctorate in Theology, and Christian Counseling. Licensed Clinical Christian Counselor Licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor Advanced Certification

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