Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/after two separations is there a possible come bacK?
My husband and I have been married for twelve years, we have two kids.
Our relationship survived many hard times but we lived with many good moments.
I was the one with many doubts since the beginning and sometimes I would show my unsatisfaction towards many things that I disapproved. Two years ago, he announced to me that he was leaving. It was horrible, it lasted 8 months and I finally got him back. I realized after he came back that he had an affair and that was partly the reason he left. We got back together for a year and a half. Things were ok, except that I could not really forgive him. Deep inside me something was broken and the past kept coming on the table. Last summer I met somebody, fell really in love and could not bare being around my husband anymore. This time I asked him to leave and he did. I lived 5 months of a romantic, passionate and beautiful relationship with this guy but the relationship ended because it was long distance and he said he didn't have the courage to take it further. It was a shock and a big disappointment for me. When I was into this relationship I had absolutely no regrets towards my marriage.. Now that it's over I am completely lost. I feel I ruined my marriage and I have regrets.
I told my husband what happened hoping it would help. I said "we are even know", let's start again. He is completely against it. I feel lost and depressed. I do not know if he would make me really happy but I miss living with him. On the other hand I know that the passion I had at this point of my marriage was inevitable. Let me know please what you think of my situation. thank you.
ANSWER: Hi Rita,
I feel that at the heart of your situation is you feeling "lost and depressed." When you are like that the natural thing is to seek to get rid of these feelings, and often we look to a past relationship to help us do that. It would be best to give yourself some time and space to get clarity and see where you want to head in your life before making any decisions. Try doing the following:
- write down a picture of your ideal life. Where would you like to be and what would you be doing?
- set yourself one or two goals based on that and take a few positive steps in the direction of achieving them.
- write down a description of your ideal partner, with their qualities, personality, interests and physical features.
Doing these things will not only help make things clearer but they will make you feel better as you will be taking some positive action. It will also help you know if your husband is still 'the one' for you.
I hope this helps and all the best,
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank you so much Liam for your quick answer.
You have given me the best advice I could get, really.
When I decided to live this romance it is because the man i had met responded perfectely to what I like. It did not lead to a long term relationship and it broke all my dreams of being with the right person.
Is such thing as an ideal partner or an ideal life exists? I am afraid of wanting to much. On the other hand, what I had was not enough to keep me going but it was comfortable and cozy.
My biggest fear is to never achieve what I consider ideal and having lost what I had I would end up alone and sad.
thank you again for your time and consideration,
I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that the ideal partner and life does exist - it is only our beliefs that they can't that stop them from appearing.
Don't be controlled by your fears. They are your "dragons guarding your greatest treasures".
Just take a few steps with courage and you will be surprised where you end up!
All the best,