Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/sex after a child

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Hi, thank u for taking the time to assist people by answering questions.
im a 21 year old marriage.my wife and I have been married for about fourteen  months and we had a baby four months ago. Before the baby we would have sex one-three times a week. ( we didnt have premaritial sex for religious reasons)  even though we didnt do it often,  it really helped our relationship because we didnt see each other much due to full time work and schook. Now since the baby was born we have had sex twice. And i think we need it now more then ever because weve had more arguments. But it gets very hard because by the time the baby is asleep i am really tired, and cant wait uo. The other night we tried but between my exhaustian and the baby being in the room i couldnt perform and we fell adleep.i think between the increased arguments and no sex the tension is really becoming tangible. Do u have any advice? Im sorry for the length of the question.

Answer
Hi Charles~

Getting married and then having a baby, can add so much stress and tension to the relationship.  You have to work together on making time to be intimate.  And to also make a concerted effort to be alone with your wife, even if it's for just a few minutes each day. You have to learn to make the time for each other, otherwise it's too easy to become disconnected and go about daily life.  Then one day the kids are grown and you figure out that you have grown apart and distant from your spouse, and that you have nothing in common anymore.  That's what a lot of couples have problems with as the years go by.  It's too easy to get caught up in every day life, work, errands, household chores, kids, etc and before you know it the kids are grown and you're left with your spouse and you've become virtual strangers and that's how couples end up giving up and getting divorced.  

Anyway, the thing is you have to set aside and make time for each other.  Have a date night once a week.  You don't have to go anywhere necessarily, you can just stay in at home, watch a movie, have a nice quiet dinner together and so on.  Get your parents or in-laws to baby sit once in awhile if possible.  Go for a walk together, stay connected by communicating with each other.  Communication is key in any happy, healthy and fulfilling marriage.  It's dire to keep the lines of communication open, I mean otherwise how are you going to know what each other is thinking and feeling at any given time.

Now back to the sex/intimate part.  If you can help her out as much as you can when you come home from work, or on your days off, that would show her that you care about her and that you're willing and can help her with the baby, house or whatever needs to be tended to.  This in turn should take some stress off of her and shows her you're helping out around the house as much as you can.  And then maybe it'll bring you closer together in more ways than one.  Sneak in some sex if the baby is asleep or napping.  Rub her shoulders, do something special for her to show her you love and appreciate her.  Being a new parent really is a tough job for couples.  Her sex drive might also be low too b/c of the hormones that are still in her body from having the baby.  They can be there for even up to 9 months after the baby's born.  So it's not that she's not attracted to or mad at you, etc.  Give it time and be patient, hopefully once you get into a routine and you both adjust to having a new baby, things will start to settle down in the marriage.  

Talking to each other and just really listening and hearing each other out, will help a lot, if you're able to support each other and be there for one another as much as you can.  Let her know that you're there for her and she needs to be there for you too.  Working together and getting through all the ups and downs in marriage and parenting can really bring you much closer.  But you both have to be willing participants here.  I hope this helps you some.  

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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I can answer most any questions regarding a husband/wife relationship. Whatever the question may be. I would like to help you find an answer to it. If you want an honest and unbiased opinion on things then ask away. I am a divorced mother of 4 children, I have been a single mother, and I'm currently remarried and have a 4th daughter with my husband. I know what it is like to have a spouse cheat on you, to be taken advantage of, to feel like everything is hopeless (being depressed), emotions (the up`s and down`s). I will try to answer anything you have on your mind about husband-wife relationships, divorce, adultery, etc. Please don`t hesitate to ask.

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