Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Is it ethical
I love my husband of 6 years but I am having difficulty trusting him. 6 years ago he went to a funeral of the sister of an ex girlfriend and made out with the girlfriend at the funeral. I did not go. We discussed it. I was very hurt especially since he asked me not to come and I trusted him enough to be okay with him going alone. It took me a long time to trust him again.
Now I believe he has a crush on a student teacher at his high school. He is not her mentor teacher but he has struck up a friendship with her. She is 22 and he is 63. I do not like his behavior around her. For example, he has tried to help her get access to the district network even though they have a strict policy that no student teacher will have their own log in. He has bypassed the rules by giving her a key to the school after she complained to him that she was told no by the principal and her mentor teacher. She only teaches one class a week and it is a safety issue as well.
So he could lose his job if someone found out. He says he does not agree with the rule so I said if that is the case then why did you not go through proper channels to get her a key. Why didn't you speak to her mentor teacher who has been your friend for 26 years. You have known this girl for one month yet you are willing to risk your job for this?
We have been fighting about this for days. He talks about her all the time. She is always whining about some perceived bad treatment and he is always defending her. She is using him. I think she has his number and can see he is an easy mark. He is our primary bread winner. I am worried. What should I do?
Getting your husband to change his behaviour directly is going to be difficult. That is because everything you do will be perveived as being controlling and motivated by jealousy. About the best you can do is to point out the situation as you see it and what you see as the potential consequences. Get some agreement with him on these and ask him why he is doing this, calmly and without blame. Then you must let it go because the more pressure you apply the more likely he is to resisit you. You will get a better response if you show that you respect his right to make his own mistakes and take his pwn actions, even if you don't agree with him. Take off the pressure and give it some time to see what happens.
All the best