Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/My husband parties every weekend
My husband and I are both military. He is currently in Korea (and has been for 4 months) and I'm in the states. Since my husband has been in Korea he's gone out every weekend drinking (which people warned me about because that's the most common thing to do there). At first he was drinking during the week too which I thought was way too often. So I told him to please not drink during the week and narrow it down to weekends only. So he did. I personally am not a party person or a drinking person. I've never enjoyed it. I stay home all the time. When he's going out on the weekend and staying out late it upsets me. His cellphone doesn't work in Korea unless he's connected to wifi so I have no way to get ahold of him until he gets back to his room. Him and a few friends were in Seoul for the weekend and I found out he came back to the hotel room after them at 5am. It concerns me. I have no idea what he's doing and why he would even be out until 5 in the morning. I've asked him not to stay out late and not to go out every weekend. He tells me all the time "it's not like I have you to come home to, but if I were with you of course I wouldn't be going out every weekend but that's all there is to do here." I'm kind of on my last straw. I want to know if I'm overreacting. Not only am I concerned if he's doing something but also his safety. He shouldn't be walking around drinking in Seoul alone. Financially it's dumb...we should be BOTH saving money. Not just me. He needs to grow up but he doesn't listen. He tells me it's very selfish of me to expect him to just sit in his room and not go out. Am I overreacting? Am I being overbearing?
I would love to know. It's driving me crazy. I never had insecurities until he got there.
Please help! My marriage is at stake.
It's one thing for him to go out on weekends. It's another to stay out all night long and to do nothing but drink. Surely, there is some other activity for him to partake in that doesn't always involve drinking and staying out all hours of the night. He really should respect how you feel about this, but clearly he's not being very considerate about them right now and when he goes out. So of course it's going to upset you, as it would for anyone in your current situation.
You need to try to have a serious heart to heart talk with him as soon as you can. He needs to know how this is affecting you, and what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. Ask him how would he feel if the situation was reversed and it was you going out every weekend while he was at home. Ask him just how would that make him honestly feel. I'm sure he wouldn't like it one bit.
So to answer your questions, no you're not overreacting. If you constantly bombard him with questions and keep harping on him, he could see this as being overbearing. Do I think you are given what you've told me, no. However, he might see things differently though. Try to talk to him in a concerned and calm manner if at all possible. Trust me, I know how frustrating things like that can truly be. Hopefully he'll listen to you and will hear you out. I hope this helps you some.