Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Intimacy Issues


Me and my husband have been married for 5 years. I am 30 and he is 31. Since the beginning of our marriage my husband has had a problem controlling masturbation. I am a muslim woman and believe that a husband should satisfy his sexual desires with his wife only. I am not even averse to giving him a handjob but I want him to be intimate with me and not relieve his desires alone. Still I wouldn't have made such a big deal out of it if he could have kept it to rare occasions. But he does it very frequently, sometimes a few times every day. His body has also started to show signs of this abuse. When the day comes when we have sex he can't last for more than a minute inside me. I am barely beginning to get aroused when he ejaculates.

I have taken him to sex experts who treat this problem and nothing has worked. One doctor even suggested him taking drugs to reduce his desire but I don't want that. I want him to focus his desires on me. I have also tried to desensitization him by placing a ban on porn and regulating the kind of magazines or books he reads to prevent him getting aroused from anything other than me. But it hasn't worked so far. When I confront my husband about it he is apologetic and sometimes says that he wishes there was a chastity belt for men so he could physically restrain himself from masturbating. I am at my wit's end. I don't know what to do. I love him very much and want us to have a happy and fulfilling sex life. Please help me find some way out.

Hi Ayesha-

Masturbation is almost natural or second nature to men. I personally do not care for it, when my husband does it, which for him isn't all that often. Thank goodness! Anyway, from what you described about him, and him ejaculating too quickly during the act of sexual intimacy, sounds like he has a premature ejaculation problem. If that is the case then he would need a proper diagnosis by a medical doctor. There might be some things he can do to prolong it so that you may get satisfaction. This is sensitive subject with most men. So try to be sensitive to him, he's probably very embarrassed to even talk about it.

I know that you don't like his masturbating for personal reasons and that's okay. Ask him if there is anything you can do to help him with this sensitive and sometimes embarrassing subject. If it pleases him to masturbate a few times a week, then let him, but ask that it not be done around you rather in private because he knows how you feel about it. Also, that you don't want him to be become obsessed with it either. Perhaps by at least discussing this topic together, you can come to a compromise that will work for both of you.

I realize that you're totally against this, but in marriage sometimes we do things for our spouses out of love and sacrifice. Talk to him again and hopefully you both can figure out what your best options are for both of you. I hope this helps you some.

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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