Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Sex is not important

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Question
I am at a loss and really just want to get this out more than anything, since I have no one else to really talk to. My husband and I are young ( I am 23 and he is 25) we have been together for 7 years and just recently got married.

Our biggest issue is sex, he just does not care about it. Says it is pointless and has nothing to do with a relationship. Being young, I tend to want it more than once a month.. But for the last year that is about all I get and I even have to work at that for a week or more.

I cant try to start anything with him, if I try kissing him he will tell me I am bothering him and that me acting clingy and slutty isn't going to get me anywhere.

We were together so long before getting married to ensure that we both wanted to be with eachother, so I am not sure why he all of a sudden decided he does not want to be with me ( if that is the case).. He still watches porn ( several times a week).. I just do not understand why he is so against sex now. It wasnt like that until about 3 years ago.

He got his first smart phone then and ever since that has been his second wife. It is always in his hand, during dinner.. if we go out.. while driving. He wont even look away from it if I do try and kiss him.

I just do not get what 25 year old male does not think sex should be a somewhat big part of a relationship, I always thought it was a important part of one, correct? I just dont know what the issue could be with him now or what to do.

Answer
Hi Amber,
Sadly your situation is not that uncommon. You are certainly correct that sex is important, but even more important is that if it is what you want you deserve to have it.
You need to make your husband aware of how important it is to you. Don't blame him for his attitude, but stand firm and let him know that you really want him to respect you for your needs and want him to share in the responsibilty for finding a solution. By doing this you are not blaming him, but you are saying that the situation does not suit you. Try to get him on board.
If you can't, then I believe you need to look at alternatives. Don't sell yourself short and accept a situation that does not fulfil you.
All the best
Liam

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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Liam Naden

Expertise

I specialise in helping couples save their marriage and rebuild it after major hurts such as an affair. Creating intimacy, removing hurt, dealing with sexual and communication problems. I have two relationship-saver programs and a free podcast which are available from my website www.liamnaden.com and a free report, "The Five Keys to Saving Your Marriage Now" at www.growinginloveforlife.com.

Experience

Relationship coach with own relationship coaching business. Author of several books on marriage and intimacy. I offer two relationship saving programs: "Stop Your Divorce" and "Save Your Marriage" which have helped many couples save their marriage and rebuild their love and intimacy.

Publications
About.com Amazon Kindle: Author of the ""Growing in Love for Life" series of ebooks for saving and strengthening marriage.

Education/Credentials
Master of Arts (First Class Honors)

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