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Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Husband of 12 years accuses me of cheating repeatedly


Hello, and thanks in advance for any advice you can give. I have been married to my husband for 12 years, but we've been together for 15. We have one child together (10 yo boy). He's 10 years older than me, I'm 32 and he was my first real love and the only man I've ever been with. He accuses me constantly of cheating. It seems like at least once a month, sometimes more. The issue is I've never cheated, and as a full time mom, a full time student, and a full time employee who only leaves the house to work or chauffeur the child, I don't know when I'd have the time. He accused me once before we got married bc a coworker bragged to his buddies he'd gotten me into bed (a lie), but since we all worked at the same place it was damaging. We got married anyway and he said he believed me. The accusations went on hold for a few years after we had our son but resurfaced a few years ago when I got a new job making a lot more money than my husband. My previous job did not allow me to wear makeup or dress nice, and I worked various shifts, so that is something new. He accuses me of getting fixed up for someone at work. It's really picked up since I got my bachelor's degree and am now working on my masters. He's gone through my phone and Facebook and did see some messages with male platonic friends which he freaked about and threatened to contact their wives and tell them about my "affairs" with their husbands. The worst thing is that at a recent visit to my ob/gyn, I asked him to check out a bump and he told me I had anal warts, an std, and the only way I could've gotten them is thru sex. Since I've only been with my husband, you can guess what that was like. I was humiliated at the thought he'd cheated. He denied and accused me. It's possible he's had it all along but never had an outbreak himself. I did have a cervical cancer scare due to hpv when I was pregnant, so it's possible?  He refuses counseling, and he's always home with me so I don't think he's cheating. I'm tired of being on the defensive and it hurts to be accused when you're innocent. I could leave any time as I make good money, and I'm not saying for my son. Any thoughts?

Hi Randi-

That's totally absurd for him to accuse you of cheating. It sounds like he's the one that most likely guilty of the cheating. My ex-husband used to do the same thing to me. I was a stay at home mom. He was the one that worked full time and I stayed at home with our daughters. He would regularly accuse me of cheating, which I did not do ever. It made me believe that he was the one cheating on me, and to deflect from himself and make him feel better, so he turned it around and tried to accuse me of it. There were 5 women that I know of for sure that he cheated with; three of them I had proof of.  He ever only admitted to one. He was constantly lying to me about things and had odd behavior during the times I suspected he was being unfaithful to me.

These women he cheated with were mostly co-workers. If your husband is and has cheated then he would have no problem finding a way to do it. He can make up excuses to go somewhere, or say he's somewhere that he's not, and so on. The STD that you had in the past is proof enough that something was going on at one time or another with him and someone else. He's insulting your intelligence if he expects you to believe otherwise.

It's up to you to figure out what to do about all this from here on out. Perhaps you need to sit down with him and confront him with your suspensions. Don't let him BS you. It is what it is. You deserve to know the truth, although it will hurt. Do not stay with someone that's dishonest, unfaithful, etc. You deserve way better than that nonsense. The choice is yours and no matter what you can and will get through all this.

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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I can answer most any questions regarding a husband/wife relationship. Whatever the question may be. I would like to help you find an answer to it. If you want an honest and unbiased opinion on things then ask away. I am a divorced mother of 4 children, I have been a single mother, and I'm currently remarried and have a 4th daughter with my husband. I know what it is like to have a spouse cheat on you, to be taken advantage of, to feel like everything is hopeless (being depressed), emotions (the up`s and down`s). I will try to answer anything you have on your mind about husband-wife relationships, divorce, adultery, etc. Please don`t hesitate to ask.


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