You are here:

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/hus always viewing exgirlfriend's profile n photo

Advertisement


Question
QUESTION: hi , im mina
mine was a love marriage.my partner was in love with a girl that i too know but she broke up n went.then we fell in love. for me its the first time i love a guy in my life.after four years we got married facing many struggles,now after 4 years of happy married life i came to know that my husband is always visiting her profile through facebook to see her photos. i learnt that he even chats with other girls.i m damn upset now,i cannot take it.i couldnt eat or do my works properly.im toooooo depressed.i trusted him a lot.i coudnt even imagine he would do this....! because he loves me soo much.we had good life till now...he cares me a lot,,,,he is really a gooood husband .................but y he is still thinking abt that women? i didnt ask him anything....i just said i saw that girls name in the desktop n feel so saad abt it. after that he didn speak to me,,,he told me
"" dont make me remember what im trying to forget"do u think im still thinking of her?  ,,you may think like that but nooo"
any way i have to recover from my depression...today i didnt even go for work.im too weak after knowing this....
CAN U HELP ME TO RECOVER FROM THIS DEPRESSION/?

ANSWER: This will be a very short answer and it will depend entirely on your ability to see yourself as a worthwhile individual, a person with individual gifts and as a valuable person.  

regardless of your marriage, regardless of who does what to whom or even regardless of the circumstances that surround your life you must remember that you are important and that you have value independent of your husband or partner, even above your children.  Your self worth is what creates that foundation of happiness not the events that try to break it down.

I am a religious person so this part will be more religious in nature.  If you not i apologize.  We are all created in the image of God male and female and with that understanding comes the realization that as god is man may become...we are his children, you are his daughter and with that you have all the rights to happiness this world has in store.  Start thinking of yourself as a this divine being and act as if you are that divine daughter and your depression will start to become less severe.  

you can still demand that your husband stop looking at old girlfriends and you can even tell hem to stop or he will be without you.  You are your own person and my advise is to start acting and living like you know that your better than the way you've been treated.

All the best.

Richard

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thank u Richard
im fearing ..whether he would really accept my demand.
he dont come to me for an open communication.
he stops talking wen such things arouse.

i dont have any hope that i can change a person unless he thinks he would change,.

he can stay for long days without even talking to me.

i think how can aperson obey so quickly if i say dont look at her?

im confused

Answer
Dont be confused he is the one that really has to change all you can do is demand and then make the decision to stay under those circumstances or leave.  I know in reality is not that easy when you've be married or together but the decision is really yours to make.  

You may want to try to keep him occupied doing other things...the more he has to do especially with you the less time he will have to think about all those other annoying things.


Good luck

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Richard Taylor

Expertise

After 30 years of marriage and 10 children I can comfortably answer questions about developing or salvaging a strong marriage relationship.

Experience

Relationships fail almost exclusively due to individual selfishness or inappropriate activities outside of the marriage contract. Almost any marriage can be salvaged and can flourish. There are exceptions, adultery, abuse and addictions may sever the trust to such an extent that a marriage may not survive.

Education/Credentials
In addition to my personal experiences I have over 15 years of special education experience with a Masters in special Ed.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.