Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Rebuilding my marriage

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QUESTION: My wife and I have been married for almost 7 years I love my wife but I have done some stuip
Stuff I have lied to her about a lot of this from bying drugs to texting other girls. But I hurt her really bad
When we alway get in to a arument I alway leave and then I tell her if I can't be with her I'm going to kill
My self and she alway finds me and we work thing out. I was very selfis and stuip I took my marriage
For granted but what hurt her the most was last year when she read a text message on my phone to
A girl that said (hay u horny I'll stop by ) but I never had sex with anyone other than my wife. My wife
Is a wounderful person we have one kid together and she has two with a her x my wife and I dated when
We were younger then 13 years later she was getting a deviorc from her husben. We know it was ment to be
She has always love me and I have alway loved her she is truly the love of my life . I had some problom with
Anger and with my other issu but I text this girl back in June of last year she tryed talking to me about it but
I just didn't want to talk about it this girl was nouthen to me we never had sex it wasn't even close to anything like that but in November I just could take it now more she was always guesting were I been and so on I now I lost her trust but now it is march I have tryed so hard to work thing out with her but she has so much hurt she don't now what she want she said that she don't love anyone right now because of the hurt I did she need time but she didn't ask for a divorce but she doesn't now if she can fix all of this. I don't now what to do I have guit all the drug and I have excepted God in my life . I have been paying most of the bill try to show her that I'm here for her but just need to now what can I do to help her fix her broken hart and try to fix our marriage

ANSWER: Hi Robert~

You are just going to have to show her through your actions that you are trying to earn her trust back.  Unfortunately once you break someone's trust and you betray them, it's very hard to get that trust and respect back.  All you can do is keep trying and show her you're trying to be a better man for her and your child.  Life is really what you make of it.  Everyone makes bad choices in life and no one is exempt from making mistakes.  It's how we choose to learn from our mistakes in life and experiences that can make one a better person, and you can grow from all of this.  Try not to live in the past, the past is the past and you can't go back and change it.  So you have to opt to move forward and know that you're becoming a better man and growing and changing in life each day a little at a time.  No one makes changes over night, it's a process, sometimes a long one.  You can do anything you set your mind to.  

Let her know that you're willing to do whatever it takes to show her you love her with all your heart and for her (and yourself and your child) that you do want to be a better man, but you need her love and support to get through all the hard times.  Saying you're going to change means nothing, those are all words.  Actions speak louder than your words ever can.  Through that and taking life one day at a time and getting through it, will show her you're dedicated to making a change for the better.  She can't make you change, you have to want that for yourself.  She, as one person can only do so much in this relationship. The rest is up to you.  Finding God in your life is a great thing too.  With God all things are possible in life.  Don't give up and keep fighting for what you believe in and for her love.  Over time everything else should fall into place.  I hope this helps you some.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: She said she knows that I love her with all my heart but she is not ready to for anything like that she says she needs time and space so how much time and space do I give her I just don't I don't know what to do anymore I've texted her all the things I could texture I've I've Tholders many times that I love her and that I'm sorry that I lost your trust and I broke her heart for a long time she has accepted my apology for doing what I did I just hope one day that they this will all and then I can come back home but she told me to make where I'm living a home for now so I just maybe I don't understand she said her heart is pretty broken and she I said that I can't  fix that broken heart and she don't want that I don't I don't know anymore I love my wife to the dearest she means everything to me I talk to her family friends I don't know I wish there was something I could do

ANSWER: Hi again Robert~

You're just going to have to bide your time and give her some space.  That's really all you can do and take life one day at a time.  There are consequences for things that we do in life.  You have to be willing to wait around for her to make up her mind on what she's wants to ultimately do.  You have to hope for the best but prepare for the worst.  The damage is done and you have to just wait it out.  I know it feels like it's the end of the world right now to you, but really it isn't.  This separation will do one of two things, it'll either bring you closer together or it'll end up pulling you apart, right now only time will truly tell what's going to happen.  Don't give up on her though, while you're giving her some space, stay in touch with her, but don't be too pushy or overly needy.  If you do she might be put off by that and it would have the opposite reaction of what you're wanting the outcome to be.  

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Well I want to thank you for your response to my questions it helps a little but it just still I can't stand being away from my home and my family I know it's going to take time I hope she doesn't come over with papers and she tells me that she loves me she wants me to come home that would be the one the best days of my life but thank you again and hopefully hopefully I will send you a message back and tell you that me and my wife have worked things out in my life could not be any happier so how can can let her know that I will always be here waiting for her and wanting our marriage back as one again and I will never do this again how will she ever know and trust me again do you think that whatever happened after what I've done

Answer
Hi Robert

You could check on her once a week or so, to see how she's doing or if she needs something that you could help her out with.  You will have to be patient with her until she figures out what she ultimately wants. With that said you can't be expected to wait around forever to decide. Give it a little time, and hopefully things will work out for you and your wife. If it does please feel free to update me. Good luck with everything.

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I can answer most any questions regarding a husband/wife relationship. Whatever the question may be. I would like to help you find an answer to it. If you want an honest and unbiased opinion on things then ask away. I am a divorced mother of 4 children, I have been a single mother, and I'm currently remarried and have a 4th daughter with my husband. I know what it is like to have a spouse cheat on you, to be taken advantage of, to feel like everything is hopeless (being depressed), emotions (the up`s and down`s). I will try to answer anything you have on your mind about husband-wife relationships, divorce, adultery, etc. Please don`t hesitate to ask.

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