Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/overcoming urges
QUESTION: Hi, I'm not sure if you remember me, you have helped me previously. I hope u are well. My question is as follows, my wife and I , who are both in our early twenties and have been marreid a year, have had a pretty inactive sex life, particularly since we had our son six months ago. In order to facilitate a stronger sexual drive I have stopped masturbating, with some success, this gave rise to a new issue however, I have a pretty strong desire to try a few things in bed, ( giving and/ or recieving anal play) my wife is very against trying both, masturbation used to be my outlet for these, as I would fantasize ( although not actually do, of course) either. However I find them to be very strong now, but I dont want to resort back to masturbation for rear of lessining my sexual desire for my wife. Is there anyway to completely overcome this " fetish" sorry to trouble uall the best"
It might well be very unpleasant for her. Perhaps you could start by finding out what special attention would give her more pleasure.
If that works, see if she will kiss you there and see how soft and clean your special skin is.
It ~is~ clean, of course.
Or you could re-evaluate why you think it is essential, when there are other wonderful ways to share your intimate moments. Ideally, love should motivate each of us to make a partner feel great. When that's not happening, when someone withholds emotionally or physically, something is usually wrong..
You should consider getting to the bottom of things with a sit down heart-to-heart — outside of the bedroom.
I'd be direct and start by asking her flat out what the problem is. If her reasons for not wanting to give oral sex are not what you are looking for then, maybe you can figure out ways to make the experience more comfortable for her.
The point is not to change for your lady but to remove any superficial obstacles to you getting some oral sex right away.
To put it best, some women simply aren't responsive to oral sex due to strong moral constraints
Do not focus on the oral sex. You have you to make her more interested in wanting to please you sexually. But it starts with you first wanting to be with her the right way and getting her to feel that from you. See, you have to want to make love with her first. I am telling you that she will appreciate this more an anything.
Under no circumstances are you to cheat on her, PERIOD!
Lovemaking is an all day process that revolves around her needs being met first. Set a time or better yet, set a day with her to make love. Make sure there will not be any interruptions whatsoever. The whole day cater to her needs. Begin to make love with her through conversation. Let her know she is the only woman you want to be with. You must make her feel loved using words other than " I love you." Have lunch together; something simple but unexpected and appreciated.
Then after a romantic dinner for two, make sure the bath is ran for the two of you. If she likes a clean shaved face, make sure you shave that morning. If she likes certain cologne you wear, make sure you spray a single squirt on the back of your neck. That way when you're in each other’s arms she would want to be closer. Put on your sexy underwear or pajama pants. Take her into the living room where the lights are dim and soft music plays at a low volume in the background. Just continue to talk with her. Ask her how she feels and what not. Begin to kiss her softly, everywhere, and caress her entire body. Try not to focus so much on the areas that get her aroused. Trust me she'll like that and want more.
Take her to the bedroom (dim lights first); once you start you don't want to have to stop. Once in the bed, DO NOT GET UNDER THE COVERS!!!! Lie down next to her and continue what you started doing in the other room. Only difference now is that you get to focus on the areas that will get her aroused.
Massage the area around the clitoris gently. It will feel better to her if there is some kind of lubrication. So gently place one of your fingers into her vagina and use her natural lubricant to lubricate the area around the clitoris. Suck on the breasts and kiss her at the same time. Talk to her about what you're doing, making sure she likes it. And if you can, get her to tell you what she wants you to do to make her feel better. This is the perfect time to communicate about how to please one another.
DO NOT ASK OR MENTION ORAL SEX to her at all!! Now is not the time. Once you notice the vaginal area getting a little darker and starting to swell a bit, then might be the best time to insert your penis into her. Make sure she cums before you do, and even after you ***, play with her clitoris. This allows her to have multiple orgasms.
I can almost say the next time she wants to get it on; she'd almost do anything to make sure your satisfied. Try it for yourself.
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QUESTION: Thank u very much for the advice once again, it us irrelevant but anal sex is the issue not oral, and I would die before cheating on her. We are each other furst sex partners. So there is still alot I am learning. She doesnt like me looking directly at her vagina unless its . very dark. So I usyslly feel how wet she is or from her general body language before Igo inside. I always try to make her cum before me. Missionary isnt so stimulating for me and thats usually what we do so she usually comes twice before men thanks again
try doing it in the dark,sounds like she is self conscious;Missionary isnt so stimulating and gets odd like a routine.if i was you,why not get some good ole wine/beer,etc and when she fall off sleep just go for it and rock her world,champagne is the trick.while she falls off sleep,get down there and lick her. If you want more from her and cannot get it then this is going to affect your relationship.coz u is horny.Sex plays a big role in a relationship and your girl needs to know that.
to have a good relationship you have to keep the spark in your life where it be emotionally or physically .... tell her babe it will be very boring if we have the same routine for the rest of our life or relationship... i like to try new things and i want you to try new things with me can we check out some sex position books and you pick out at least one or two new position that we can at least try if you dont like them then i wont bug you about it no more but just give it a chance;get her tipsy is really the way to go,go buy some porn and right before bed just put it on bro or just google [type this free full length porn
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QUESTION: Thanks so much for responding so quickly. Yes she is self conscious. ( but she's pretty and not really overweight) I will try suggesting watching porn with her. I hope she doesnt get weirded out. Do u mean make love to her while she's actually asleep? Is that something women are okay with? As for recieving I cant think hiw to be more suggestive short of buying a strap on
It's great that you've been able to express yourself to her and the problem that you're having with your sex life. You sound so mature and loving--she should be able to at least tell you what's going on with her. Perhaps you should suggest looking into a relationship counselor or even a sex therapist to help you with your love life--physical and emotional.
Her reason is not good enough, and I would suggest to her that she either gets in the mood or this will cause deeper problems such as alienation from each other to the point where you will feel like strangers around each other.
Tell she needs to reexamine her idea of what sex life should be when married. What is her ideal sex life when married?
Why does she have this ideal?
Ask her questions because you are her partner in life and you demand to know what is going on because it affects you big time.
Men also want sex to feel intimacy and to feel close to their women. Sexual intimacy isn't just for women. Men crave that closeness too.
Tell her this. Ask her how else can you express love for one another if you can't do the ultimate act of love? Yes roses are nice. Sure a great conversation is amazing. But, nothing beats being sexually intimate with your mate. is she going through menapos it could also be medicine she is taking some medication for depression will alter someones sex drive it could be time for a gyn visit & or therapy
I wish all women would realize that the Husband needs attention as much as the baby does. So I hope women will understand it is wrong to get married, give birth and then shut the shop down. It wasn't in any of those vows you both took.