Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/marriage is depleting


Weve been married almost 8yrs in the beginning he made me feel like a queen I was perfect could do no wrong. he has as far as I know been faithful in our first year I found out about a girl he spent time with he says nothing happened she described my bedroom and yet he denys it. He went to prison for almost two years and I was faithful and dedicated wrote everyday made weekly visits. When he came home hes been someone I don't know. He wrapped up in his phone ignores me. I try to tell him how I feel he gets defensive and tells me im stupid.  I try to get his attention he doesn't want it. Theres no communication no alone time when and I mean when we have sex hes not into it.  We stay in separate rooms. When I am sick he doesn't act like he cares but he caters to his so called friend and his girlfriend wjo mind you calls him constantly and he laughs and talks to her yet he acts like to me he cant standher.  He goes nowhere without his phone erases txts changes passwords has more than obe email. He lives on his phone we shared a Facebook all of a sudden he got his own he says to talk to family yet theyre on the joint Facebook and he hardly talked to them.  Idk what to do I love him but I cant keep hurting and feeling invisible.we have three children I feel trapped im in a marriage with someone who only fusses and blames me for everything. Hes turned controling he keeps my pay card never lets me have a dollar keeps just enough gas in my car yo get to work.  Takes me nowhere maybe every now and then to the store. It takes him 30-45 minutes to go to the gas station 6blks down the road. Wont answer my texts but stays on the phone with other people talking and texting.  He cant stand his mom being mistreated yet he treats me to he same and more. I need help cause he wont try to fix us or even acknowledge we have a problem.

Hi Amanda,

I usually take the position of doing what ever it takes to keep the relationship together.  However it takes two to make a relationship.  If he is not interested in making it work it will not work.

Some practical advice.  First, you deserve better.  His actions are abusive.
You need to take steps to get control of your money and with out his knowledge look into women's centers in your area.  Seek help.  They often have resources to help you.  

Then when your eggs are in a row, have the conversation with him.  He needs to know you are serious and that if he is unwilling to meet your needs, if he is unwilling to work on the relationship, you have no choice.

One caveat,  some controlling men become violent and dangerous when confronted.  They see relationships as more an ownership than a partnership.  If you have any reason to think he may become violent, then skip the conversation and run.

FIRST  look for local help!  women's center, shelters and the like.
SECOND   be ready to go if things go bad.

And only then have the conversation.

Good luck,

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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Tom Blair


Questions related to strengthening and saving relationships and marriages. Sexual relationship questions. Published author.


Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator

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