Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/whats going on with me

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Lately, well really since my wedding things haven't been going that well with my wife and i. We hardly seem to get along, and I have been under a lot of financial pressure lately. I used to enjoy doing sweet romantic and thoughtful things for her, but after a while of us not getting a long, not feeling appreciated, and hardly reciprocation, along with criticism, I've lost motivation to be the way I used to be. I've been under a lot of stress at work, and she tells me shes not satisfied in sex department, its not what she expected. She was a virgin and ever since she was a kid she always thought of how sex would be, and since him not meeting her expectations, shes disappointed. I already feel like a failure, but all of this and the way she is so disappointed, i feel so bad and down all of the time. I haven't had sexual issues in all of the years ive been active, and now with my wife who was a virgin, she doesn't like sex because of me. so now i just feel like whats the point, and shes just so hard to please in general, i feel like i could bring her the world and she will tell me i forgot the stars. So now I just really don't even feel like being that romantic thoughtful person i was, it feels pointless sometimes.
thanks for letting me vent

Answer
Hi Todd~

Isn't that kind of an oxymoron that her thoughts on sex were askew? How can she have an expectation of something she never had beforehand?  I suppose that she figured sex the first time was supposed to be good too, to which it almost never is that great the first time around.  Anyway, she has nothing else to compare it to, so of course her first experience isn't going to be as she pictured it to be.  Anyway, the point here is that you need to try to sit down with her and have a serious heart to heart talk with her.  She needs to know how this is affecting you.  And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage.  Her expectations of you are too high.  There are some ppl out there in life that no matter what you do there is just no pleasing them.  Over-achievers, or others that their standards are so high that they are often disappointed when it's not met.  She might be one of those ppl that just can't be satisfied with things in life no matter what it is.  

You need to sit down with her and have a heart to heart with her and ask her why she expects so much out of you, and what a heavy toll it's taking on you b/c of the way she's acting.  Perhaps she doesn't really realize what she's doing.  That is a very real possibility. And she's not going to know unless and until you talk to her about how you feel.  Stress at work is totally understandable to make you feel even more miserable than you already do.  Talking is key in any happy, healthy and fulfilling marriage.  

Marriage is definitely not easy.  It take two ppl working together as a team to make it work out.  It can't be only one-sided.  It's give and take on both parts. Tell her how it makes you feel when she says things like not being satisfied in the bedroom, and just how it makes you feel.  So much so that it makes you not care and want to give up and to not put forth that effort at all b/c of the response you get, so why bother?

Marriage and having children are both life changing events.  They can be very stressful, due to the fact that you now have to consider someone else's feelings and thoughts and when it comes to having children, then you have to be responsible for someone other than ourselves. Talk to her and hopefully she'll see where you're coming from and you can work out a compromise to work all these issues out.  I hope this helps you some.  If you have any further questions please feel free to write back and I'll try to help you out to the best of my ability.

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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