Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Jealousy
English is not my first language, so I apologise in advance for any mistakes you may find in this letter.
I'm married to the love of my life and I trust him implicitly. He's a very honest, respectful and trustworthy guy. We've been together for 5 years but we've known each other for 12 years (we dated for 4 years in the past).
Even though I've never heard him make any disrespectful comments about women (I mean, of sexual nature) or give any women a lustful look, I'm still very, very jealous. Just the thought of him lusting after another woman makes me cringe. I know this is utterly ridiculous and I'm very ashamed of feeling this way. My husband feeling sexually attracted to another woman doesn't mean he'll dump me or cheat on me. I know this. I don't even know why exactly it bothers me so much when I picture my husband lusting after beautiful women, actresses, models etc.
Whenever I see a beautiful woman on the street, I'm afraid he'll find her attractive. Whenever there's a beautiful actress on a movie, I kinda feel anxious and pray that this woman will not take off her clothes. It feels like a nightmare, because there are beautiful women everywhere.
I went into psychotherapy more than once, I've tried counselling, meditation, exercising, you name it. But nothing and nobody has ever changed the way I feel. I see my girlfriends not being jealous of stupid things like the ones I've mentioned and I envy them.
Could you please help me? How can I overcome this? I mean, I know that going into therapy is important, but I'd like to hear something more "practical".
Thank you so much.
First of all your English seems very good to me! No need to apologize for that! Second of all, please be aware that I have no training in psychology, I can only tell you what I know about men and what the Catholic Church teaches.
It seems to me that many people fail to realize that men and women are different, even though it's enough to look at any farm or see any nature film to see that God created males with a natural instinct to seek out mates and to reproduce in order to preserve the species. Human males are no different. Besides this, one of the effects of original sin is a weakness of the flesh, and a desire to do precisely what God does NOT want us to. I say this because if your husband lacks this natural urge, then he is not a normal human being... or perhaps he's very old or sickly... or what is more probably the case, he is very careful not to put himself in temptation or in the occasion of sin so as not to offend God... and/or he simply hides it from you.
Marriage is precisely for this... to preserve the human species. Marriage is also to keep the spouses from falling into sin and to get them both into heaven. Husbands must love their wives, as Scripture tells us, but the more loving you are the easier it will be for him to love only you. I hope this helps. Chris.