Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Jealousy


Dear Vani,

English is not my first language, so I apologise in advance for any mistakes you may find in this letter.

I'm married to the love of my life and I trust him  implicitly. He's a very honest, respectful and trustworthy guy. We've been together for 5 years but we've known each other for 12 years (we dated for 4 years in the past).

Even though I've never heard him make any disrespectful comments about women (I mean, of sexual nature) or give any women a lustful look, I'm still very, very jealous. Just the thought of him lusting after another woman makes me cringe. I know this is utterly ridiculous and I'm very ashamed of feeling this way. My husband feeling sexually attracted to another woman doesn't mean he'll dump me or cheat on me. I know this. I don't even know why exactly it bothers me so much when I picture my husband lusting after beautiful women, actresses, models etc.  

Whenever I see a beautiful woman on the street, I'm afraid he'll find her attractive. Whenever there's a beautiful actress on a movie, I kinda feel anxious and pray that this woman will not take off her clothes. It feels like a nightmare, because there are beautiful women everywhere.

I went into psychotherapy more than once, I've tried counselling, meditation, exercising, you name it. But nothing and nobody has ever changed the way I feel. I see my girlfriends not being jealous of stupid things like the ones I've mentioned and I envy them.

Could you please help me? How can I overcome this? I mean, I know that going into therapy is important, but I'd like to hear something more "practical".

Thank you so much.

Hello Flavia,

My apology for replying so late. You have taken professional help and that didn't seem to solve this issue. The basic reason for this insecurity is that you are hanging on to him, you are clinging on to him. You have nobody to fall back on except him, that's not a very healthy situation.

The first step would be to gain some confidence, so get busy, take up a hobby, start helping at an old age home or an orphanage, do something that will make you proud of yourself. You need to use your time creatively, I may be sounding strange but try this therapy. You should have so much to do in the day that when you crash at night, you fall asleep in 2 minutes. Do you have a kid? If not, it's time to plan a family.

Try all this and let me know the outcome.



Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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Marriages are made in heaven! But in love marriages when the two partners belong to different nations, castes, races, social strata, backgrounds, the amount of understanding required is more. I can tackle queries related to love marriages of these kinds. Sorry, I cannot help out on gay and lesbian relationships and am neither a sex therapist nor an astrologer.


20 years of a blissful married life.

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