Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Lousy marriage


I am 50 and married 29 years with 3 kids 23, 20 and 15.  Last year my 20 year old got into trouble involving pot.  I was devastated.  We stood by him and tried to get him all the help we could.  He was offered a plea deal to stay out of trouble, go to school, work, etc and if he does as agreed all charged will be dropped in September. I have huge suspicions that he is not following through.  It didn't help when the police were at my home saying there were rumors of my son doing some pretty bad things.  I have been in fear since.

This has caused huge problems between my husband and I. My son has treated me like crap and my husband never stands by me.  In fact my husband has had some of the issues my son has now but I was young and dumb. I was the good girl and believed him when we dated and he promised he wouldn't smoke pot. I was shocked when I caught him still smoking pot at 40 years old!  I was so busy with the kids I couldn't believe he still did that. I thought he stopped nearly 20 years earlier.

I am devastated by my son.  I adored that kid and cannot get over it.  I am contemplating a divorce.  I have no respect for my husband. We own a successful business but I'm tired of my life.  I don't know if I should ride this out or just end things.  If I end things I will need to move away from all my kids as he would torture me in his nasty ways.  I feel so lost.  Is there any hope?  I. don't respect him anymore.   I have no life anymore and am unhappy 90% of the time.  Thx

Have a conversation with your husband about your son, with the goal of agreeing on what to say and do. Your son is an immature 20 year old but an adult nonetheless. If possible and assuming he is mentally stable, consider getting him moved into his own apartment.  

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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Daniel Keeran, MSW


I can answer questions about issues arising in marriage: conflict, communication, listening, anger, verbal abuse, household responsibilities, infidelity, addiction/substance abuse, pornography, physical abuse, time spent together, finances, in-laws, death of a spouse or child, separation and divorce, problem-solving and much more. FREE PDF DOWNLOAD "Counseling In A Book"


I have over 30 years as a counselor for couples experiencing difficulties. I have been a counselor for over 30 years in private practice and hospital settings. For deeper understanding and healing childhood experiences affecting adult life and relationships with self and others see the reader-friendly source

"Effective Counseling Skills: the practical wording of therapeutic statements and processes" at and "Loss and Grief Counseling Skills" at

MA (University of Kentucky), MSW (Kent School of Social Work)

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