Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/husband hiding texting ex

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Question
Hi Liam,

My husband and I are newly weds but we have known for five years. He was married twice before and he has a son with the second marriage.
Two weeks after we are married I found some chatting interactions he did with his ex (second ex-wife) dated about a year ago. In it he professed his still loves her. I confronted him, he said he is just saying that so he could see his son.
Well, I trusted him and take his words for it. I told him that I understand he will contact the ex regarding his son, but  I would like to be informed about it.
Since then, each time I asked if he spoke or contact her in any form, he denies it. Recently I found out he has been texting and talking to her, but when I asked him he yelled and said NO!. He kept saying I am thinking to much about it.
My concern is why is the need for him to lie about calling or texting her? Is he having feelings for her again now?

I really dont like liars or cheaters as I was cheated before, and he knows this. So why is he lying straight to my face about it?

Please help what to do about this.

Answer
Hi Siti,
People lie for a variety of reasons but the underlying cause is usually this - they fear the consequences of telling the truth. It may be that your husband still has feelings for this woman, he may be confused, he may be unsure about why he married you.
You won't know until he tells you. To get him to open up to you he will need to feel safe. Rather than being upset with him, how about trying the approach of saying to him, "Look, I know you are not telling me the truth, but whatever you are feeling is ok. I understand if you are having second thoughts about our marriage, if you still love her and if you don't know if you love me. It's important both of us are happy, and that includes you! We just need to be honest with each other. I just want to understand and I want you to be happy. So can we talk about this?"
Don't get upset with him, whatever he says. That is the way you will build trust and get him to be honest with you. Give it a try!
All the best,
Liam

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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Liam Naden

Expertise

I specialise in helping couples save their marriage and rebuild it after major hurts such as an affair. Creating intimacy, removing hurt, dealing with sexual and communication problems. I have two relationship-saver programs and a free podcast which are available from my website www.liamnaden.com and a free report, "The Five Keys to Saving Your Marriage Now" at www.growinginloveforlife.com.

Experience

Relationship coach with own relationship coaching business. Author of several books on marriage and intimacy. I offer two relationship saving programs: "Stop Your Divorce" and "Save Your Marriage" which have helped many couples save their marriage and rebuild their love and intimacy.

Publications
About.com Amazon Kindle: Author of the ""Growing in Love for Life" series of ebooks for saving and strengthening marriage.

Education/Credentials
Master of Arts (First Class Honors)

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