Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Husband issues with sex
Hi i need some advice on how to tackle this situation with my husband without it ending up in a fight.
So my husband and I have been married for 4 years in May. We have a very healthy loving relationship, he's my best friend and i feel the happiest when we are together. We are also expecting our first child in 10 weeks! couldn't be happier. We also lost our first baby at 12 weeks back in March but got pregnant very quickly with our baby. The miscarriage hit us both very hard since we were trying for him for 3 years. It was the first time i've seen my husband cry.
So now my husband treats me like crystal. he does look at me differently but in a positive way. He has more love and compassion in his eyes when he looks at me and when he sees my large belly he looks very prideful. So everything couldn't be more blissful beside my husband is to scared to have sex. I've had doctors explain to him how its safe since this pregnancy is going so smoothly. He has old me that hes so scared he'll hurt me even tho I've explained to him that my body has been made to have babies and that I've very aware of what hurts and what doesn't and that if anything is uncomfortable i would let him know. even tho we have discussed this he still isn't willing to change his thinking. So i don't know what to do.. its starting to make me feel unattractive like i have no sex appeal, which I've told him.. i just don't know what to do or say anymore cause it makes me sad he doesn't want to be intimate but i don't want to fight with him. how would you recommend i deal with this?
Unfortunately this problem is not that uncommon. I think the issue at the heart of it is that your husband probably isn't sure himself why he has gone off sex with you. However there are a few things you could try.
You could gently initiate some non-penetrative sex to see if you can arouse him. Tell him that you are not in "the mood" for full sex right now, but it won't cause any harm if you have some intimate play. Don't push it to full sex but see if it brings on some better feelings from him. Try this a few times. If things look like they could go to the next stage, suggest some positions that are least uncomfortable to you and the most gentle if you like, such as you and your side and him from behind.
Also, find articles and information on the internet about sex during pregnancy and share with him. By doing this you want to help him change whatever beliefs he may have about it (hurting you/the baby, etc).
Show him you are not fragile. You don't need to start digging the garden but certainly in bed be a bit more active than usual to show him everything is fine.
The other thing you could try is watching some porn with him. This is a great libido enhancer.
Most of all, don't give up talking to him, telling him how you feel (without nagging) and relating to him that this is a problem that needs to be resolved. Don't blame him, just say that it is an issue for your marriage that is important for you to sort out because it's very important that you get back to the loving sexual relationship you used to have. Say to him you don't want anything to interfere with your relationship and that this is.
Above all, be loving but don't quit. There are many reasons why this may have arisen and you want to get to the source of the problem.
All the best for a lovely pregnancy. I am sure you can sort this out with your husband.