Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Not Enough Time?
About a month ago my husband told me he wasn't in love with me anymore and doesn't want to be in our marriage any longer. We've been having problems off and on for a while where we go through cycles of having big fights where we talk about no longer being together but decide to stick it out. I'm usually the initiator of those fights.
Usually things would get better for a while but then just go back to the old way. Essentially I was pushing my husband away by making him feel like he wasn't good enough. I've come to realize in the time since he's told me he doesn't want to try anymore that he has always been good enough and I've just been horrible to him. He's agreed to go to counseling (which I know you don't agree with, based on your podcasts) and has given us essentially a month to work things out or he's leaving. I'm trying to implement your advise about working on myself and making positive changes to save our marriage but I worry a month is not enough time to make any big changes. I've already done some of the negative behaviors you talk about (such as begging, asking too many questions, and focusing on negative) and I'm not sure how to undo the damage that it's done, or if it's too late to start. I'm also trying to think back on what made him fall in love with me but I'm struggling to remember who I used to be.
Do you think any changes can be made in a month? Do you have any advice on how to recall who I was that made him fall in love? Do you think it's too late since I've already shown the negative behaviors?
A month is definitely enough time. It is in fact the reason I have created a one month program - my 30-Day Save Your Marriage Relationship Transformation program. You really can transform your marriage in 30 days if you follow a step by step process and take the right action.
To recall what made him fall in love, think of a time when the two of you were truly happy together, a specific incident. What were you doing, thinking and feeling at the time? Relive the experience in your mind and look for the clues.
It's never too late to undo the past. You only have the present. If you can get through to your husband's feelings he will be more than willing to leave the past behind.
All the best,