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Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Wife wants me to quit my hobby or leave.



I have been married to my wife for 10 years. We have two young daughters of 7 and 3. When we met, I played guitar in a band. I had been playing in bands since I was 16. When we moved in together, I quit the band and just recorded music at home. My guitars and music has always annoyed my wife as she says I do it all privately and it doesn't benefit anyone. Now that we have the kids, she wants me to pretty much stop playing/ song writing for good or until the kids have grown up. I love playing music and it feels like quiting would take a part of me with it. I love my family and wouldn't want to loose it because of this. I know that if I don't stop my wife will leave even though I only play 3 evenings a week. Do you think I should give it all up?

Hi Andy,
I can see from your wife's point of view that this is quite a lot of time in the week for you to be doing something for yourself.
What I suggest is that you carefully and thoughtfully explain to her how you feel about your music and how important it is to you. However, you also understand how important it is to be with your family. Tell her that your family is your highest priority and that if it came to the point where it negatively affected the family you would give up the music.
Say to her that you also, though, would like to see if there was a way you could continue with the music, and ask her if you could come up with a compromise, a plan in which the needs of the family and her are also met. Think in advance what this could be so that you have some suggestions. They could be allocating specific times each week where you spend time with her and/or the children, arranging for her to have time for herself doing things she wants to, etc. Make sure you are generous with the time you allocate for the family and show that you are willing to make sacrifices for other things so that your music and your family can be accommodated.
Once you get her agreement to try it, stick with it and make sure you show a LOT of commitment and consideration for her and the children. You might also suggest there be a trial period to see if it works out.
Try this two-pronged approach...
Hope this helps!
All the best,

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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Liam Naden


I specialise in helping couples save their marriage and rebuild it after major hurts such as an affair. Creating intimacy, removing hurt, dealing with sexual and communication problems. I have two relationship-saver programs and a free podcast which are available from my website and a free report, "The Five Keys to Saving Your Marriage Now" at


Relationship coach with own relationship coaching business. Author of several books on marriage and intimacy. I offer two relationship saving programs: "Stop Your Divorce" and "Save Your Marriage" which have helped many couples save their marriage and rebuild their love and intimacy.

Publications Amazon Kindle: Author of the ""Growing in Love for Life" series of ebooks for saving and strengthening marriage.

Master of Arts (First Class Honors)

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