Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/"readiness"
My name is Aubrey and I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years now and we are both 26. Myself, and both of our families, thought he was going to propose within the last year when we moved into our house together, and he still seems to have little intention of doing so anytime soon. I never thought I would be the girl who is anxious to get married, but there are a few major reasons why I would like to tie the knot and start a family sooner rather than later.
1) I am VERY close to my grandmother. She was like a mother to me and has been declining quickly over the last year. I call her ever day, and I would be devistated if she was not a part of some of the milestones yet to come. I lost my absolute best friend to cancer just a few years ago, and it would mean everything to me to have my grandmother at my wedding and able to hold her great grand child.
2) I have been medically diagnosed with endometriosis, which over time, could damage my reproductive system enough that I could no longer have children. I have already had 3 emergency surgeries for it (two that my boyfriend was there for) and have become suseptible to internal bleeding because of it. I literally will not get any healthier in that regard than I am right now. I am so nervous that if we wait 3 more years to start all of this stuff, it will be too late for me medically.
3) I love the guy and I want to be his forever.
Every time I try talking to him about my feelings on the topic, he refuses to talk to me and just says he's not ready and to be patent for him to become ready. I want to be, but I just don't understand why he still needs to wait. It's going to turn any chance of a "surprise" engagement into one that just gives me a sigh of relief that it finally happened. I don't want to feel that way, but I'm frustrated that he doesn't understand why I AM ready, and why I'm the one who had to wait.
Any advice you could give would be a big help. Thank you.
Have you explained to him exactly your reasons that you have given me? The first step would be to make sure he knows just how important this is to you. You could also ask him why he is not ready (and listen carefully to what he says).
Unfortunately, as I am sure you have found, the more pressure you put on him, the more he is likely to back away.
You need to make a decision here: "Is my love for him worth sacrificing not having a child or having my grandmother at my wedding?"
If not, I suggest you say to him that if he isn't prepared to accommodate your wishes (i.e. get married) then you don't see the point in being together and will break things off and find someone else.
He may come around, or he may not. If he doesn't, then the only way you will get what you want (and be happy) will be to move on. I know it is very tough to break off with someone you love, but IS possible for you to find someone else to love.
This seems to me to be your only choice. Not easy though! Follow your heart - it's usually right.
I hope this helps.
All the best,