Expert: Samantha - 9/20/2006

Question
Hi,
This may seem silly, I am not too sure.  My husbands cell phone accidentally called me when he was at work yesterday, I kept saying hello, and figured out what happened because I could hear talking in the background.  I am sure at that moment I should have hung up the phone, but human nature, I didnt.  Here I was sitting and listening to the conversation in the background, and my husband was talking to his co-workers (men and women) about sex.  He was saying he had a thing for women with big boobs, I am very small chested, and than I heard him laughing and saying his fantasy was to have a threesome but I wouldnt be game for it.  I was shocked and hurt to say the least and didnt know what to think.  My husband had previously assured me he didnt talk about this stuff at work ( I know how his coworkers are) I dont quite know how to deal with it.  I told him I heard the conversation, he says he dont know why he said what he did and he is sorry a thousand times over.  I know my next step is to forgive and forget, but I am having a real hard time dealing with this.  In the same sense I know this conversation wasnt meant for me to hear.  To hear my husband say he has a thing for the total opposite of what I am just totally floored me, not to mention that his fantasy is to have a threesome.  Just needed some advice on this.  

Thank You

Answer
Hi Deb~

Sometimes men will run their mouths and try to show off to their friends and co-workers.  And say stuff they really don't mean.  It's an ego thing, if you know what I mean.  He could be doing this just so that he fits in, so he won't feel left out.  Does that make any sense?  Honestly, I don't think you should take this personally at all.  Men brag and boast all the time to their co-workers and friends, mostly to inflate their own ego.  In other words to try and fit in and be macho.  Anyway, enough of my rambling.  I hope that makes some sort of sense to you.  

He obviously loves you for who you are, and the way you already are, or he wouldn't have married you.  It's very easy for someone to feel very self concious when you hear a conversation of this nature.  It's time to forgive him and move on.  At least he's apologized to you.  You should at least give him that much, b/c it's not very easy for a man to say he's sorry.  Don't take it personally, forgive and forget and try to move past this.  

If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.