Expert: Sheri Goeser Stritof - 9/28/2005

Question
Hi Sheri,

My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years and we've had a constant problem having a healthy argument.  

Every time we argue about something, he always over rides me and doesn't let me speak, and if I talk while he's talking, he just talks louder.  Then I have to talk louder, and it always ends in me crying because I end up having to scream over him so he'll listen to me.  

Another problem is, I'll start complaining about something and he'll interrupt me with is side without even letting me finish.  

He won't go to counseling, he won't read books.  (I've tried this before.) I've read the 5 Love Languages, and it helped a little bit, but how can I show him that we need to communicate better when we argue instead of yelling and screaming.  I want to have one person speak, then the other person, and so on and so on.  ONE AT A TIME.  I can't STAND yelling, and I have a young 10 month old and a 9 year old that hear us arguing and it makes me very sad to think that they are hearing this.

Do you have any advice on how I can get him to just TALK like a normal person when he wants to argue about something instead of demanding that he's always right?

Thanks,
Catie

Answer
Hi Catie,

Your husband is stonewalling you, and it is one of the four major reasons for a marriage failing.
http://marriage.about.com/cs/marriagelicenses/a/whatittakes_2.htm

Perhaps he will read this article on how to fight fair.
http://marriage.about.com/cs/conflictandanger/ht/fightfair.htm

I hope he reconsiders his decision to not seek counseling. I don't see how your marriage can survive with his continued emotional abuse of you and your children.

Do take care,
Sheri