About Spirit Expertise What makes Marriage work? We are taught as children that love lasts everafter - and we grow up to find that one out of two marriages end in divorce, that most couples that have been together a long time just "grin and bear it" instead of having a deeply loving relationship. What goes wrong with love? Can love last forever? How can one deal with the many issues that confront a married couple? Write to me and detail your situation - I will do my best to be of help.
Experience My wife and I have a dynamic, vibrant marriage. I have a wonderful twelve year-old daughter and we have another baby on the way. My wife and I are true soulmates, and we have built a relationship that has withstood many tests. I believe my personal experience with a previous failed marriage ten years ago helps me understand what can make marriage fail. I am also a trained Dianetics Auditor (counselor), and a trained Scientologist. I have been called a very empathetic listener by many. My intention is not to shower you with sympathy, not provide lots of judgemental opinion - my intention is to provide useful, effective tools that will help you improve your life.
Organizations Church of Scientology International (SCI), International Hubbard Ecclesiastical League of Practitioners (I-HELP), Citizen's Commission on Human Rights (CCCHR), International Association of Scientologists (IAS)
I have been with my fiance (we're getting married next summer) for almost seven years.
He still wants to make love every single day (we live together), and sometimes even twice a day. This is not a joke.I thought that after a few years we would be intimate maybe every second day or a few times per week. Lately, he is really angry with me for not wanting to fulfill his needs. He is actually even threatening to cheat on me if I don't give him what he needs everyday.
I'm wondering first of all if it is normal for a couple to still do it so much after being together this long...and secondly how can I keep him happy, but not have to make love every night when sometimes I just want to sleep. Do you think he's asking too much of me?
Thank-you,
Amanda
Answer Dear Amanda;
While it is perfectly normal to want to make love every day, it is also perfectly normal to want to make love once a week. It is a matter of preference, personal rhythms, lifestyle, etc.
Some thoughts:
1) It is possible that he is just generally less busy and more rested than you are. Strive to balance both your lifestyles and your physical activity to where you are both equally energetic or equally tired at the end of the day.
2) From his high interest and your lesser enthusiasm, I suspect that your lovemaking sessions may be more gratifying to him than for you. Perhaps one direction you should focus on is to make each lovemaking session more lasting and more satisfying for both partners. You should both climax routinelly every so often. Sex without climax can also be enjoyable - but you both should be climaxing regularly.
3) Perhaps also more quality instead of more quantity could be agreeable for him. See if he has any personal fantasies or desires that he has not expressed, and see if perhaps satisfying those will make a difference.
4) He has no right to threaten to cheat. This is a red flag, and you should iron this out prior to marriage. While you can strive to catch up with a more frequent sexual drive than yours, he could and should also try and match yours - love is a mutual thing, not you struggling desperately to please him only.
5) Intercourse can be tiring. Sometimes an easy solution can be to satisfy him orally or manually. If you are skilled at this it can be quite pleasurable for him and quite empowering for you.
I hope this helps.
In terms of relationships, I recommend you get the book at http://www.marriagesuccess.com prior to getting married.
