Expert: Dick Richardson - 4/29/2002

Question
My husband has started smoking again.  He'd quit for a few months, but has started up again.  Please offer advice as to anything I can do to help him.  I no longer get angry at him when I know he's going to smoke, and he doesn't hide it from me anymore either.  What can/should I do?  He is 28 years old.  I'm not sure how long he's been smoking, but for quit a few years now.  And he did quit, like I said, once, but it only lasted a few months.  He complains of headaches recently.  He says it helps a little to smoke, but then the headache comes back.  Thank you in advance for your advice.

Answer
The best thing that you can do to help your husband stop smoking is to give him the freedom to quit on his own. You could nag him into stopping or pausing or hiding the habit from you but he is the one that must come up with the quit answer. When a person quits or attempts to quit the habit for reasons not their own it just doesn't work. When the person finds "their reason" the subconscious takes over and guides the quitting process to a successful conclusion.

I am a curious person by nature and after 23 years of smoking I finally asked myself, "I wonder what my life would be like if I didn't have nicotine stained fingers and palms, didn't wake up each morning with a cough, didn't have little burn holes in my white shirts, didn't have the wife and kids constantly on my case about smoking and if my employees didn't have to endure a smoke screen while talking with me."
Within two weeks I tossed a half pack of cigarettes into the trash and now into my 24th year have never wanted another cigarette.  Having smoked for 23 years and "paused" many times to satisfy others it may sound strange to say quitting was pretty simple. It was simple because once I had found "my reason" it was all over.

To get over the nicotine addiction actually took about three months. I got lucky in my choice of support when purchasing a box of Good and Plenty candy. The combination of sweet and licorice did the trick. Everytime I felt the urge to reach for a cigarette, habit and addiction, I simply popped one candy into my mouth. It took two boxes a day for three months and I was home free.

Hope the above story helps you help your loved one. God bless  your caring. Dick Richardson