AboutShea Expertise Hi. It is my desire to help rape survivors find answers to those longing questions that haunt every victim of rape. Why did this happen to me? How can I survive this experience? Who really cares? Being a victim of rape often leaves one feeling alone, angry and full of fear. Please know that there are people that care. I care. My heart goes out to anyone that is having to deal with the shame and fear that is part of rape. Just remember, you are not alone. I am here to answer questions, seek solutions, or just be a listening ear. I am here to offer friendship and hope in the midst of a very lonely place.
Experience I am a survivor. I was sexually abused as a child and also as an adult. I was sexually abused by both men and women, which left me very confused. I went into counseling 6 years ago with no hope. I was confused about my sexual orientation, struggled with sexual addictions, and self mutilation. Six years later I consider myself a conqueror. I am now happily married and have found hope. My husband and I have a ministry that deals with sexual abuse, same-sex attraction, and sexual addiction. We currently offer one on one counseling and group therapy for these issues. We are also in search of a Safe House for our ministry. This Safe House would be place where individuals seeking freedom from these situations could go and receive safety and counseling.
Organizations www.shadowofhiswingsministry.com
Education/Credentials I am currently in school to finish up my degree in psychology. I work along side my husband who is an LPC Supervisor. Together we provide counseling and group therapy. I am currently deciding which direction to go with my education. Life experience has been my greatest education and I believe anyone can take these experiences and learn more than any college or university can teach.
Question Hello Shea, about a year ago- a "friend" was going through a divorce with his
wife. He didn't really have a friend that wasn't a friend of hers too. So, as a
friend, I hung out with him. We went to dinner, grabbed a drink- then got
dropped off. Some how he walked me in to my house. I knew then
something didn't feel right. This to me, was not a date! He is to old & ugly,
the man looks older than my father- maybe he is... I went to the bathroom, I
came out, I could hear him upstairs, calling me. He was in my bedroom on
my bed, naked! I said, "What the hell are you doing? Get off my bed & get
your clothes on!" Before I knew it, he had me on the bed- got my pants off...
I can't even count the times I said, NO! Ahh, it hurts to think about it. I
remember pushing his chest & telling him NO NO NO! It lasted all but 2
seconds before he ejaculated inside me. What a pig! I only told my BFF at the
time, I got a check-up & she went & got Plan B with me.
My current boyfriend, of 2 months knows the man that did this to me. I tried
telling him within the first week of knowing him- about my night of hell.
Recently, this nasty man came to my man and bragged about the "sex" we
had. I was sick to my stomach, and told my boyfriend it was a lie & the man
had raped me. I aggreed to dinner & a drink- NOT SEX! My man has been
upset with me for the past 3 days "because I put him in a situation he doesn't
know how to handle" He told me I was lying and why I didn't go to the police.
It has been hell- I was doing real good forgetting my night of hell- now it is
all coming back to me. I am in so much pain! Now I know why I only told my
BFF. She was what I needed, an ear to listen & a shoulder to cry on. Just the
chance of someone not beliveing me- is what I feared most. I feal like I went
through hell a year ago and now the pain is worse. My boyfriend, has now
realized he as been wrong in the way he reacted. He wants us both to talk to
a professional. Which, I am fine doing. But, I am still mad about how I was
talked down too- after spilling my guts. I don't know what to do. Where did
I go wrong? I just want to stop hearing myself, yelling NOOOOOO
Answer Dear Jackie,
Thank you for sharing your story with me. Unfortunately, the response that your boyfriend has is one that is not uncommon. A loved one, when confronted with the news that someone they love has been raped can cause a great deal of emotions. I know...it doesn't make much sense. But, processing that news can be difficult. There is a lie that society believes way too often, and that is that if a woman is raped then she is somehow asking for it. This is, of course, NOT TRUE! I am sorry for the hell that you had to go through and continue to struggle through. Please know that I understand your anger at your boyfriends response. However, it would be a very good idea to go for counseling. I commend him for being willing to be a part of that counseling. This is a great opportunity for you to work out those angry feelings at him for his response, as well as your feelings about your rape. Talking through your feelings and listening to your boyfriends fears and feelings about what happened is a great way to strengthen your relationship. Please pursue the counseling! There is no reason to hold those feelings inside. If you need help locating a counselor, please let me know. I would be glad to help you hook up with someone in your area? Thanks again for sharing with me.
God Bless,
Shea
