AboutShea Expertise Hi. It is my desire to help rape survivors find answers to those longing questions that haunt every victim of rape. Why did this happen to me? How can I survive this experience? Who really cares? Being a victim of rape often leaves one feeling alone, angry and full of fear. Please know that there are people that care. I care. My heart goes out to anyone that is having to deal with the shame and fear that is part of rape. Just remember, you are not alone. I am here to answer questions, seek solutions, or just be a listening ear. I am here to offer friendship and hope in the midst of a very lonely place.
Experience I am a survivor. I was sexually abused as a child and also as an adult. I was sexually abused by both men and women, which left me very confused. I went into counseling 6 years ago with no hope. I was confused about my sexual orientation, struggled with sexual addictions, and self mutilation. Six years later I consider myself a conqueror. I am now happily married and have found hope. My husband and I have a ministry that deals with sexual abuse, same-sex attraction, and sexual addiction. We currently offer one on one counseling and group therapy for these issues. We are also in search of a Safe House for our ministry. This Safe House would be place where individuals seeking freedom from these situations could go and receive safety and counseling.
Organizations www.shadowofhiswingsministry.com
Education/Credentials I am currently in school to finish up my degree in psychology. I work along side my husband who is an LPC Supervisor. Together we provide counseling and group therapy. I am currently deciding which direction to go with my education. Life experience has been my greatest education and I believe anyone can take these experiences and learn more than any college or university can teach.
Question When I was a small child, I was molested by a friend of the family who was staying in our house for a few weeks. He was always trying to get me to be alone with him in my house, away from my family members. Sometimes I would shy away from him but most of the time I gave in because I enjoyed it. I shared my bedroom with 2 older siblings and when none were nearby he would go in there with me and close the door so we could be alone. He was very gentle but very persistent. I am so grateful that he never penetrated me but I hate that I still fantasize about what he did do to me. I told my mother a few years after. She reacted very scared and ashamed (not sure of who?) and told me never to tell my siblings. One day when I was in my late teens, I was having an argument with my mother about something unrelated, and I mentioned all this to my 2 older siblings (it slipped out in anger). They screamed at her and she cried a little. That bought me some relief.
I love her very much and I try to understand that years ago as a single struggling mother, she was dealt with something that she couldn't handle, and she did not make the best of that situation. But I definitely learned that I want to be a lot stronger than her and when I have kids I will be a much more protective and stronger mother. Now I am in my twenties. I would like to know why in a small house always so full of people nobody noticed a young child going alone into a bedroom with an older man? And then after our sessions I would always come out to pee. This was very obvious. My older siblings claim they had no idea. How can this be? I forgive my mother for being dumb and weak when I told her, but I cannot forgive any of them for not realizing or wanting to realize what was going on at the time this was all happening. Is it really possible for nobody to have known? I get along well with my family and they do a lot for me as far as give me advice and help me in life. But this is always in the back of my mind.
Answer Dear Geena,
I am so sorry that you had to go through that as a young child. You mentioned that your 2 older siblings, how much older are they? At what age were you when this happened? Sorry for the questions, it just helps to clarify some things.
First off, again, I would like to tell you how sorry I am that you were subjected to the molestation. I am also glad that you were never penetrated, however, this does not negate what happened and the feelings that you are having. As I have counseled many women, young and old, I first want them to know that there is no rape, molestation, incest situation, or sexual assault that is worse than another. They are all devastating to a person's soul. Does this make sense?
Have you gone to counseling for this in order to work out some of your feelings of anger?
I can certainly understand why you would question how this could happen in a family and that it would have been allowed and ignored, the way that it seemed to have been. Unfortunately, many times in families there are these dirty little secrets that people want to ignore. They don't want to really deal with them, for whatever reason. It is really hard to assess what that reason could be. Maybe your mother, being a single mom, just thought that she had too much in her life and somehow justified what may have been happening by believing a lie (possibly that he wouldn't do something like that). When you say he was a friend of the family, I am assuming since he was an adult, that he was a friend of your mothers? Quite possibly she didn't want to jeopardize her relationship with him and so she was in a state of denial, and believing that he was not capable of doing that. It is really hard to determine why that happened. I would like to see you get into some counseling and work out some of these thoughts and feelings. It can be a great burden to bear in years to come if you don't allow someone to help you work through them. Unfortunately, things like this also tend to affect our relationships in the future (to men and women), if left unresolved. Please consider counseling or continuing to discuss these things through email or through online resources. If you need help locating a counselor, let me know. It would be a privilege to help you out.
Thanks again for sharing,
Under the shadow of His wings,
Shea
