AboutDr.Sunu Sundar Expertise I can answer questions from rape victims who are desperate to find a source for inner healing. All my answers will focus on soothing the victims of rape ultimately leading to inner healing.
Experience I have been in counselling for last seven years adults,teenagers and children who are abused and raped in various situations.
Education/Credentials I have a master degree in Psychology and another in Sociology
Expert: Dr.Sunu Sundar Date: 6/12/2008 Subject: why does this keep happening to me?
Question hiya im 19 goin on 20 this july.
last november one of my supervisors at work who was also a friend called that he and his girlfriend had broken up and he wanted some mates around to cheer him up.. i arrived later and hours later found out that just before my arrival he had sex with one of our mates who also came to cheer him up and that she felt pressured by him to do so. we all shilled out and he got a bit drunk afterwards. very late in the evening whilst everyone was going home he said that he was still feelin down and asked if i would keep him company just watch a dvd and chat some more. with one of our other mates present he promised not to try anything with me so i agreed to go back to his to keep him company for a bit longer. we went straight to his room and there he got rid of all his clothes except for his boxers and liad in bed, i just laid down next to him and took my trousers off cause i felt 2 warm. then after a couple of minutes he started to come on to me and tried to kiss me i kissed him back and immediately said that i wasnt going to sleep with him and that i only intended to keep him company. he started feeling me up and put his hands in my pants i told him to stop and he just went on and said that he knew i wanted him cause i said he was hot when i first met him. at first all he kept sayin was : i know you want me cause you and sister think im hot.
i told him that he was wrong and i wanted him to stop without really pushing him off me and again he just ignored me. i told him i didnt like what he was doin but he said he knows i want him which wasnt true i thought he was hot when i first started working with him but my opinion of him changed. he continued with his hands in my pants and i started to think of something that happend almost two years before, i was raped then in december by a guy i lost my virginity to that june. the guy also said that he knew i wanted him and that i should just relax i continued to beg him to stop but he didnt and in both cases i dindt scream out for help because i didnt want anyone walking in and i wasnt supposed to be there in the first place.
i didnt want to go throught the same thing again so i told my supervisor mark to stop again and he didnt he raised his voice a bit and said something i just cant remeber what it was anymore, i gave him a condom and asked him to use it if he wass gunna go ahead anyway. he put it on and minutes later took it off. then he went inside me. him raising his voice scared me and so i thought maybe i should just try to enjoy it and so i just laid there and let him have his way i felt disgusting but tried not to panic. he slapped me on my buttocks and i asked him to do it again but still al i wanted was for him to stop. but i thought if i continued to say no he would get mad and maybe violent. when he finished i didnt know what to do i just laid there and tried to conversate with him i gave him compliments i was scared didnt know what he would do next. when i was raped before after it happend i was put in a van and dropped in the middel of nowhere one of the guys threathended to leave me behind if i didnt have sex with him i dint so they left,luckily for me and its odd to say but the guy that raped me was present and he convinced the others to comee back for me.
during this whole thing with mark i kept having flashbacks and stayed as calmed as i could.. just after he finished the mate that dropped us off at marks house text me sayin i should ring him if mark tries anything and he would come back for me.. if only he had texted me earlier. i asked to be picked up, tried to stay really calm in the car so they wouldnt really know what had happend and took a shower when i got home
i slept with my manager and mark knows of this but that was with my consent and i dont regret it, could that have given mark the idea that i wanted him cause he was my supervisor? i have never come on to mark or told him or anyone that i wanted him as i didnt
ive been so confused.. at first i said no constantly without physically fighting him but later i stopped. did my trying to make the best out of a nast situation give mark mixed signals? he was inside me and even after i asked him to stop a couple of times as nice as i could.. but could i somehow have given mixed signals?
is there a possibilty for mark to have thought that i really wanted it?
we still have mutual friends but i dont really see him anymore when i do i try to stay friendly cause im not sure if its his fault or mine, nevertheless i always feel a little bit sick and sad(dont know how els to describe what i feel ) when i see him or hear his name.
i hate to think ive been raped twice in two years but i feel like what happend wasnt right
im truely sorry for the long story, dont know how else to cut it short
can you please help me
Answer Dear Rogue,
No need to regret that you wrote a long story. It was good that you wrote a long story. This helps me to understand the scenario better.
Rogue it is high time that you must be mentally awakened and alert.
Other wise there are possibilities of repetition of events of rape or abuse or taking you for granted, which will make you feel worse.
I would suggest you very much not to entertain men or even help entertain men at all cost in all ways lest you suffer another abuse.
Also always keep distance with all men(friends, relatives etc) for a few years till you feel very confident to say a 'violent no' to any man who attempts to entice you with hidden motives.You must build your territory where no one should not enter with out your consent. This is very very important.
Avoid regretting about the past incidents and henceforth be alert always when you are in the company of men. No one has any right to use and throw you. Remember that you are not a use and throw object. You are a valuable human being. No one should ever be allowed to take you for granted.
