AboutKim Expertise I am a survivor. I know what it’s like to be the victim. I am now a Sexual Assault Victim’s Care Advocate. I have been certified as such since November 2000. I am currently a student who is specializing in trauma and abuse and the associated disorders and illnesses.
Experience I am a survivor. So, I not only have book smarts but, personal experience with what rape is and how much it affects the victim and his or her loved ones.
Expert: Kim Date: 7/12/2008 Subject: Broken Trust...
Question Here's my story. This might be kinda long, but I remember everything vividly...and I haven't told anyone yet. One of my closest friends, Jason, is 17. I am 15. We have been friends ever since we I was about 5. I trusted him more than anybody in the world. About 3 weeks ago, he invited me to his house. (I go to his house quite often). It was about 8:30 pm. His parents were on their anniversery in Europe, so he had the house to himself. When I went inside, there were a few other girls there, along with a few of his friends (who I also knew). They were drinking, but Jason didn't seem to be too drunk yet.
After about 30 minutes (I didn't drink anything) Jason told me that there was something he wanted to show me. So I followed him upstairs. (This sounds like I was being really dumb, but he did this quite often to show me a new poster or cd that I might like.) He opened the door for me, and I went in. He came in behind me and shut the door, locking it. He smirked. I told him, "Jay, that's not funny." He took a step towards me. I said, "Jason, stop it. You're scaring me!" He looked at me as if he was only joking and said, "Come on, why would you be scared of me?"
He rushed forward and threw me on his bed on my back. He got over the top of me and started to undo my pants. I fought back as hard as I could, hitting his chest trying to push him off. (but it didn't work seeing how I'm 5'2", 105 lbs and he is 6'1" ,about 170 lbs.) He took all of my clothes off. I was almost in tears as I told him, "Stop it, please. D@mn it, Jason, I'm a virgin." I continued trying to fight him off, that was until he finally went in me. It hurt; I grabbed the blankets, clentching my fist. After he pulled out, I got up to run out of the room, but he grabbed me and threw me back on the bed, this time on my stomach. He began to rape me anally. I finally felt completely defeated. He got dressed and left the room, but for some reason I couldn't find the energy to get up. I laid there in his bed. The next thing I knew, I woke up to him climbing back on the bed (It was about 1:45 pm.) I knew what he was going to do, so before he got rough with me, I opened my legs and stared at the wall trying to ignore it. He did it again.
The next morning, I got dressed and left, feeling terrible. 3 days later, I went back to his house. his friend Jake was there too. I willingly had sex with both of them. Ever since the rape I have felt like since he took my virginity I really have nothing to care about. Ever since the rape, I have gone to his house every week to let him or one of his friends have sex with me. I feel dirty and empty, but I really don't want to report it. Should I still be his friend? Is it normal to feel this way?
Answer Oh Kelsey,
Oh wow. I am so sorry. My heart just broke for you reading that. If you don’t want to report it, that’s ok, that’s your choice. But I need you to work up some courage to go to the doctor. Have a few tests done. I know that will be hard, but please let them know that you were raped and that you need a partial rape kit done and let them know that you are not pressing charges at least now. Also, please request to see a Rape Crisis Advocate. I can not encourage this enough. I strongly encourage you to be checked for pregnancy and STD’S. I also strongly encourage counseling and an advocate can help you locate help in your area.
Kelsey, your reaction to this is common. But it’s not ok. And it’s not safe. It will lead to even more dangerous ways of coping, if you do not get help now.
Let me share a list with you.
Well there are several things long term that can happen with survivors of rape.
Some physical effects:
• vaginal bleeding or infection
• fibroids
• decreased sexual desire
• genital irritation
• pain during intercourse
• chronic pelvic pain
• urinary tract infections
• sexual dysfunctions
• NES
• Body Memories
Emotional effects:
~ Self blame (lack of motivation to seek care, lack of empathy, cutting themselves off from people, anger, and aggression).
~ Life long depression
~ Self injury, self mutilation
~ Borderline Personality Disorder
~ Antisocial Personality Disorder
~ PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
~ Flashbacks
~ Psychotic Reality Breaks (Dissociations and or depersonalization)
~ Alcoholism
~ Substance Abuse
~ Promiscuity
~ Celibacy
~Prostitution
~ Inability to form intimate relationships
~ Self Hate
~ Guilt
~ Anger
~ Emotional hypersensitivity
~ Defensiveness
~ Lifelong inability to trust others
~ Emotional Numbness
~ Attraction to partners who are aggressive and abusive.
~ Metal deterioration and loss of IQ
~ Co-dependency
And please, if I can help further do not hesitate to reach out to me.
