AboutKim Expertise I am a survivor. I know what it’s like to be the victim. I am now a Sexual Assault Victim’s Care Advocate. I have been certified as such since November 2000. I am currently a student who is specializing in trauma and abuse and the associated disorders and illnesses.
Experience I am a survivor. So, I not only have book smarts but, personal experience with what rape is and how much it affects the victim and his or her loved ones.
My girlfriend was raped by an acquaintance at the age of 13. She is now 20.
-She did not tell her parents that she was raped. She attempted suicide and was diagnosed with BPD.
- She eventually did tell her mom and they went to the boys house, but of course the boy's mother didn't believe her and the police had no evidence so that was that..
-She later started to self injure herself / party a lot. She was in and out of hospitals and given many anti-depressants throughout her teen years. She actually graduated with this guy, meaning she went to the same school as him for years after.
-She then became pregnant at 18 and basically all problems diminished. In her words " my wild days are over." She takes no meds and she is pretty much in balance.
- We talk some about it, and she has told me that she "just doesn't think about it".. basically suppresses the memory within her mind.
- My concern is this. I really care for this woman and we have a open meaningful relationship. So.. Do I continue to try to get her to talk about it? What is my job to help her right now? Do I bring up counseling or will that just bring up old thoughts .. and old emotions / feeling she has laid to rest. Is there anything I need to do. I hope to marry this girl someday. I want to help her .. erase the demons..
We all have experienced the need to heal or help a loved one.. I know that this is not always possible. So I continue to treat her well and I am constantly reminding her how "Special" "Unique" "Deserving" she is and how lucky I am to have her in my life. I am also striving to differentiate myself from the average man, example we are on a no sex policy right now so we can really get to know each other.
Thank you if you actually read through all of this! haha
Answer Hi Zack,
Well it sounds like she followed in a pretty “common” time line and or time frame with rape victims. (As hard as that seems to hear). Here is a list just for you to reference.
Well there are several things long term that can happen with survivors of rape.
Some physical effects:
• vaginal bleeding or infection
• fibroids
• decreased sexual desire
• genital irritation
• pain during intercourse
• chronic pelvic pain
• urinary tract infections
• Sexual dysfunctions
• Body memories
• NES
Emotional effects:
~ Self blame (lack of motivation to seek care, lack of empathy, cutting themselves off from people, anger, and aggression).
~ Life long depression
~ Self injury, self mutilation
~ Borderline Personality Disorder
~ Antisocial Personality Disorder
~ PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
~ Flashbacks
~ Psychotic Reality Breaks (Dissociation's and or depersonalization)
~ Alcoholism
~ Substance Abuse
~ Promiscuity
~ Celibacy
~Prostitution
~ Inability to form intimate relationships
~ Self Hate
~ Guilt
~ Anger
~ Emotional hypersensitivity
~ Defensiveness
~ Lifelong inability to trust others
~ Emotional Numbness
~ Attraction to partners who are aggressive and abusive.
~ Metal deterioration and loss of IQ
~ Co-dependency
However, at this time, I would not push further counseling unless she starts to display a need. She may actually be in a good place, and to start counseling and bring it all up may do more harm than good. Sort of like the saying, “no need to fix what is not broken.” If she has unfinished areas that have not been dealt with and or is suppressing memories, you can not force these issues.
I would continue you as you are. I think you are doing a great job!
