AboutKim Expertise I am a survivor. I know what it’s like to be the victim. I am now a Sexual Assault Victim’s Care Advocate. I have been certified as such since November 2000. I am currently a student who is specializing in trauma and abuse and the associated disorders and illnesses.
Experience I am a survivor. So, I not only have book smarts but, personal experience with what rape is and how much it affects the victim and his or her loved ones.
Expert: Kim Date: 7/7/2008 Subject: I don't know what to do.
Question Last week my girlfriend and I went out of the state to see my "best friend" and his wife and child. The night we arrived, the four of us celebrated by drinking. Everybody was feeling good until my girlfriend recieved a call from home; Her great uncle had been diagnosed with cancer and was in the hospital. We continued to drink, and unfortunately I was the first one to pass out. My girlfriend continued to drink. She spent a lot of time being sick that night, with nobody but my "best friend" and his wife to comfort her. Sometime during that night, between her bouts of vomiting, my "friend" decided to comfort her by having sex with her on the bathroom floor while she was intoxicated, vulnerable, and unable to stop him. His wife did nothing.
We spent most of the rest of the week in their home. I didn't find out until later the next day. At first, I was angry with my girlfriend. I didn't learn of the situation until later that night. I've spent the last week with this on my mind, and it's really taken a toll on my mental well-being. Not only that, but my girlfriend won't talk to me about it at all, and she seems to feel like nothing really happened.
So my question is this: What am I to do? I don't know how to come to grips with this. I feel like talking things out with her is the only thing that will help, but she won't talk to me about it. What am I to do?
Answer Eric,
Your girlfriend may be going through Rape Trauma Syndrome, the trauma may have been enough for her that she’s blocking all memories of it, she may have been so intoxicated that she doesn’t remember or hold emotions about it, yet.
At any rate, you can not force this; she has to deal with this in her own time. So, how can you handle this on your own level? Basically, what is the hardest thing for you right now, what’s going through your head? Would you consider talking to someone that can help you understand?
