AboutKim Expertise I am a survivor. I know what it’s like to be the victim. I am now a Sexual Assault Victim’s Care Advocate. I have been certified as such since November 2000. I am currently a student who is specializing in trauma and abuse and the associated disorders and illnesses.
Experience I am a survivor. So, I not only have book smarts but, personal experience with what rape is and how much it affects the victim and his or her loved ones.
Expert: Kim Date: 7/6/2008 Subject: I dont know if it was rape, but I am having a hard time dealing with it....
Question I don't think what happened to me can really be considered rape because it started out consensual. But, I feel in a way that it was forced consent, and I feel really messed up and upset about the situation. I went to visit some friends who were on vacation at a beach in my area. I have known all of them since I was 16 (I'm 25 now) and I really trusted them. We had had a lot to drink and I decided not to drive home because of that fact, so I stayed with them at their hotel. I shared a bed with one guy that I had dated when I was 17, and never thought anything was going to happen. We were both a little drunk and began to get physical with each other when I decided it was time to stop, I didn't want to be doing anything anymore. We talked and he stopped, but made it clear that I was responsible for 'taking care' of his needs. We have had sex before, when we were dating, and the other physical things I was doing with him last night were consensual, but I woke up again later in the night, and felt like sex was being forced on me. I just went with it and I didn't stop him, not because i wanted to have sex, but because I felt trapped. i felt like i had to. I don't know why I felt that way, but I just let it happen. Then he fell asleep, and i was crying in the bathroom, and decided to leave and drive back to my house. I just got home, and have been crying since I left and I just don't really know what to do now. Hes someone I've known for a long time, someone who I cared deeply about and thought he cared about me. I don't think he would think it was rape or forced, and I think he'd be upset to know how upset I am right now. But, I don't know, I feel so completely confused right now. He didn't use a condom either and I am really scared of having an STD or something. I just feel really alone right now and I feel like it wasn't really rape, but I don't know where to turn...
Answer Carrie,
You can stop giving consent at any point and they must listen and stop or it is rape. The fact that you are responding in this way also says that you were not OK with this and in fact it sounds like you are dealing with what is called Rape Trauma Syndrome. http://www.rapevictimadvocates.org/trauma.html
I advise you to go to a local hospital, talk with a nurse, they’ll call a rape crisis center and they’ll walk you through having a kit done (if you choose), pressing charges (if you choose) they also can give you shots and pills to ward off STD’S and pregnancy. I also advise this because MOST states have mandatory laws that automatically call a rape crisis volunteer for all sexual assaults cases. This is good because they can get you started in counseling, support groups and services and any and all legal advice you may need or want per your state and in your area.
