AboutKim Expertise I am a survivor. I know what it’s like to be the victim. I am now a Sexual Assault Victim’s Care Advocate. I have been certified as such since November 2000. I am currently a student who is specializing in trauma and abuse and the associated disorders and illnesses.
Experience I am a survivor. So, I not only have book smarts but, personal experience with what rape is and how much it affects the victim and his or her loved ones.
Expert: Kim Date: 7/1/2008 Subject: was this rape?
Question Ok I’m not even sure if this counts as rape and was hoping you could give me a clear answer as to whether or not it is. At some points I think it is, but then other time I know that it was partly my fault.
Id gotten myself stupidly drunk and due to this throw out of the club. A guy I had been kissing earlier followed me out. I decided to sit on the bench outside the club seeing as there was only ½ an hour left and I wanted to share a taxi home with my friends and the guy came and joined me. He asked if I wanted to go back to his place, I said I couldn’t. He then asked if I just wanted to go round the corner . Again I said no. At this point the just said ‘screw it’ and stuck his hands down my pants. I asked him to stop as I was worried about the police seeing us. One of the bouncers came over and told us that we couldn’t do that there but went on to say that he could show us somewhere more private. I blacked out at this point and am not sure if I walked or was carried, but I woke up sitting in an alley with the guy in front of me. He stood me up and took of my trousers and my knickers. I said to him ‘you have to stop, we cant do this, Chloe will never forgive me’ as at this point I was very confused and thought he was my friends boyfriend. I continued to ask him to stop but he told me to shut up and carried on. I don’t remember much of what happened except for falling over at one point and the guy yelling at me and standing me back up. After he was finished he pulled up my trousers and walked off.
I know that it is my fault to some extent as I shouldn’t have gotten myself so drunk or led him on by kissing him. Sleeping with random guys is not something I have ever done, I am a Christian and cant help feeling horrified and ashamed at what happened. Although I did tell him to stop, I didn’t fight him off as I was too weak from the alcohol so I’m unsure if it counts as rape. I’m very confused right now and could use a bit of guidance. Thanks
Answer Hannah,
You were sexually assaulted, there’s no doubt. It’s not uncommon to forget parts of or sometimes even ALL of our attacks. What happens is the memories go into the subconscious for safe keeping, because you are so or were so traumatized, the alcohol didn’t help, but alcohol isn’t to blame. Your attacker is to blame. A lot of these memories will now be suppressed and will come back to you as you can handle and or process them. This too is very common. You may be dealing with Rape Trauma Syndrome.
Right now, it’s important for you to get into counseling, so that you can process and begin healing from the parts of the night that you can recall, and work through and as you work through this, you’ll find that you’ll begin to remember the other parts as well.
