AboutKim Expertise I am a survivor. I know what it’s like to be the victim. I am now a Sexual Assault Victim’s Care Advocate. I have been certified as such since November 2000. I am currently a student who is specializing in trauma and abuse and the associated disorders and illnesses.
Experience I am a survivor. So, I not only have book smarts but, personal experience with what rape is and how much it affects the victim and his or her loved ones.
Question last night i went out to have a drink with my ex boyfriend and one of his friends everything was fine the three of us were sitting at the bar drinking after about the third shot i was done i was really feeling the effects of the alcohol that's when things start to get fuzzy i remember still having a good time i guess i also remember that another drink was ordered for me but i don't recall drinking it i remember my keys being taken away from me and i remember applying pressure to my eyes because they were not working right i couldn't see strait my eyes were open but it felt like they were closed after we left the bar i remember my ex driving when asked where we were going he said to get his car from his friends house i remember asking how i was going to get home but i don't remember what his answer was or if i even got one i don't remember the car ride i remember the car stopping and i remember telling him i had to use the restroom the next thing i remember is sitting on the toilet i don't actually remember climbing the stair case to get to the apartment i don't remember walking through the door after using the restroom i walked out to see my ex was naked on one couch and his friend i think was on the other one i do remember engaging in kissing with him and i remember him saying his friend wouldn't take long i vaguely remember my clothes being removed and long story short they both had sex with me i know withe out a doubt that i wouldn't have had sex with the both of them had i been sober i don't feel like i was in the right frame of mind to make that decision and i feel they made it for me i don't know if this is rape or not because i volunteered to meet up and have drinks with them i don't remember everything that happened but i think i participated but again i know that i wouldn't have under normal circumstances and my ex knew that as well i feel so taken advantage of and cant help but wonder if i'm at fault
Answer Laquita,
No, this is not your fault. A few things may have happened.
1. You may have been given the date rape drug. This would be my first guess because of the way that you are describing how you felt.
2. You are suppressing your memories die to RTS (Rape Trauma Syndrome) http://www.uasasonoma.org/services/rts.html
In your condition you were not able to give consent, and even if you could have you made it clear that you would not have. This is rape.
I would encourage you to get counseling. I do not know your location, therefore, you can go to www.rainn.org RAINN (Rape Abuse and Incest National Network) they have a search engine for counseling and specialized services. When you go to the site, go to Get Help, and then go to Find a Local Counseling Center. The site will display a list of help in your area. If you are not in the states you can also try http://www.rainn.org/get-help/sexual-assault-and-rape-international-resources
