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You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Mental Health > Rape Counseling > should I tell my secret?
Expert: Kim - 11/6/2009
Question
Five years ago my son's father walked out on us just two months after we had him. Five months after that he was drunk one night came over to the house after I told him not too and let himself in. He was standing over me naked as I slept, I opened my eyes just a bit when I felt someone there. I honestly thought that I was dreaming when I saw him standing there, so I rolled over and went back to sleep. I was woken up by him and he was on top of me taking off my clothes. In the matter of seconds I was on my stomach his hand over my mouth and my hands pinned to my back. I have always told myself it was not rape, I had just had a child with this man and I was in love with him. I also never said stop or no or anything!! I have never told anyone not even my closest friend! I'm in a very loving and caring relationship now, but he wonders why I am such a jumpy person, why I can't stand to look at my own body, and why I am so insecure!! I don't know if I should tell him what happened since it was five years ago and has nothing to do with him or us now!! Then there is my best friend who knows everything about me accept for this one secret, she knows I have a secret just not what it is, should I tell her as well??
Answer
Jessica,
We are certainly not required to share this information. Many of us choose to share after time and that’s just it, time. This happens in our time, and we often share this information when it feels right. So if you feel you are at that point go ahead and share this with your current boyfriend and your best friend.
Your insecurity, the fact that you can’t look at yourself, and how you jump (possible PTSD) are things that concern me, have you had any counseling? Are you hoping that telling these two important people in your life will give you the help and comfort you need?
Just remember don’t push yourself, if you are ready that’s fine, but there’s no time frame to share this, and no law that says you have to. OK?
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