Expert: Kim - 6/22/2009

Question
im am a partner of a rape victim. i have known about it for a few months now n we have been dating for almost a year. im the first and only person that knows. she was raped by like 4 guys in middle school ( maybe highschool, doesnt talk about it much of course). but afterwards she went thru a spree of having sex with anybody and everybody and other bad descions/ relationships. i think its connected but i never want to push the topic on her. we have casual sex but sometimes i feel that some of her sexual tendancies are motivated by her past rape. she never talks about it but i want to help her so much without pushing things when she's not ready. i care about her so much and ever sinse i've found out its negatively affected me how i am so powerless to help her or do anything except get upset myself. im trying to accept that it was years before we even met but i dont kno to seek about this so i can know what to do to better be there for and support my girlfriend who is a rape victim. never had to deal with this type of problem. please give me some advice.

Answer
A,
Yes, you’re right, her promiscuity and poor choices and behaviors following her abuse are very likely directly correlated to her rape.    
You stated that this is affecting you, I am assuming that’s because you don’t want to do the wrong thing. Would you consider seeing someone locally that can help you understand your feelings, rape, and how to deal with your partner’s rape and behaviors? I think this would benefit you and your partner.
Also, has your partner considered therapy? While you can’t force this, you can encourage this and it would definitely help.
I don’t know your location, but, you can always go to www.rainn.org and go to “Get Help” then go to “Find a Local Counseling Center” and put in your state and or zip code and it will generate a list of help in your area. You can also check with a local hospital or local churches that may offer support groups.

I wish you all the best,
Kim