About Kelli Expertise I can answer questions related to childhood rape and sexual abuse and the effects of those experiences such as PTSD, chemical dependency, relationship conflicts, and coping strategies.
Experience I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
I have been a part of counseling, support groups, AMAC for years.
I have taken roles in peer support and peer counseling.
I am very well rehearsed in psychological therapy goals, roles, plans, and terms.
I worked in a Psychiatric Hospital for many years with Children, Teenagers, and Adults-- as well as Chemical Dependency.
I have been trained in and can perform psychological assessments.
Education/Credentials I graduated from college to receive my Nursing Degree.
I am currently enrolled in a RN-BSN degree
which will continue into a Master's Degree program.
I have a technical school certificate as a Psychiatric Assistant.
Question I have a friend whom I first met when she was a student at my school. I noticed her significant weight loss over the summer. The weight loss continued into the school year, so I asked her about it. I had known girls before who were date-raped that developed eating disorders, so I flat out asked her if she'd been in a similar situation. She never answered me directly, but I was pretty sure I struck a nerve. I convinced her to get help for her eating disorder by telling her mother. She is now a wife and mother, and she has opened up to me about her situation. I still don't know all of the details, but we are working on it. She was brutally attacked by two men while on a visit to a new city. We've been emailing so she can get some of the information off her chest, but she wants to talk face-to-face, which I am totally okay with. I just need to know how to handle her. She prefers that I ask questions to start our conversations which I am also okay with. I'm not a counselor, and I'd like to know if you have any suggestions about how to keep our conversations going, when to back off, and when to keep my mouth shut. I am so grateful that she is talking about this, and I don't want to overstep my bounds. Thanks in advance for any insight you can provide.
Answer Your friend is very fortunate to have found such a great friend in you. And you have helped her in so many ways already.
The best advice that I can give you is to trust your instincts. This is your friend and you know her. You will be able to tell when to push forward because she needs a small nudge and when to just sit in silence. Be prepared for any reaction and don't take any reaction personally. She may cry and that's okay. She may get angry and that's okay, too. You can't fix it. You can't make it all go away and you can't make it better. What you can do is to offer her a shoulder to lean on, a hand to squeeze, and a smile to encourage.
I would also add to not be afraid to ask the tough questions. Getting it off her chest, so to speak, helps take the power of it away. Things that are left uncovered, in the dark, and secretive tend to fester. Sometimes that's a small detail that keeps running on a track inside the mind. Once that's out in the open, it's not so scary or so disgusting anymore.
Reinforce positive statements. Reinforce the truth such as, "you couldn't have known,... it's not your fault..."
Confront false beliefs. Don't let those linger. Those "I could have or I should have,.. or if only,..." Those are all hindsight thoughts. Those only produce guilt. They inhibit healing. She did the best she could do, at the time. She did the most important thing, she survived.
Thank you for being such a good friend. Good luck to you both.
