AboutKim Expertise I am a survivor. I know what it’s like to be the victim. I am now a Sexual Assault Victim’s Care Advocate. I have been certified as such since November 2000. I am currently a student who is specializing in trauma and abuse and the associated disorders and illnesses.
Experience I am a survivor. So, I not only have book smarts but, personal experience with what rape is and how much it affects the victim and his or her loved ones.
Education/Credentials I am working on my Master's in Psychology specializing in trauma and abuse. I am in addition working on two associate degrees in Social Work and Women and Gender studies.
Question "Hi there, i have a current problem that i hope you can help me with. When i lost my virginity i was raped i was 15 and at a party and there was too much alcohol involved. Since this experience several reacurances have happened. I have been involved in lesbian love making, threesomes, gang bangs with 5 men or more at the time, affairs and cheating. When i was 22 i was raped again in my own bed again substance abuse was a main cause. Then when i was 23 i went out for the night and remember waking up in a strange house and i know id had sex the night before. I think i managed throughout my life not respecting myself and dissregarding sex and just allowing my self to have no strings attatched sex. I have recently been seeing a guy who is amazing and from the start i told him EVERYTHING. We have a few issues with sex and me thinking that he was the same as every other man, cheating lieing and untrustworthy but we have managed to improve this and my sex drive has returned after a few cousolling sessions. Thing is now i think ive told him too much he still thinks i might have the capability to be how i was, to cheat and live a double life and i want nothing but hence finally finding the man i want to spend my life with i worry i may have damaged our relationship by being too honest. please help we're nearly at breaking point. Kind regards x"
Answer Kelly,
I am sorry that your new boyfriend is fearful. I think that you need to stay active with your therapy sessions and make sure that you get involved with sexual healing, because you’ve only known sex that has been so overwhelming to you, so to slow down and experience sex with love, commitment and faithfulness may in fact be tough for you, and that’s why counseling will help you, and you certainly can do couples counseling.
I think for your boyfriend to trust you he’ll need to work towards that trust and you’ll have to work together to form that trust. Trust is earned. Don’t be self critical, and be patient with him and yourself. The very best thing you can do is commit to therapy, and with time he will see you are dedicated to changing your past and that he can trust you.
OK?
I wish you all the best and you begin to work through your painful past, but, look to your future with promise.
Kim
