Expert: Dr.Sunu Sundar - 6/23/2009

Question
"Hi there, i have a current problem that i hope you can help me with. When i lost my virginity i was raped i was 15 and at a party and there was too much alcohol involved. Since this experience several reacurances have happened. I have been involved in lesbian love making, threesomes, gang bangs with 5 men or more at the time, affairs and cheating. When i was 22 i was raped again in my own bed again substance abuse was a main cause. Then when i was 23 i went out for the night and remember waking up in a strange house and i know id had sex the night before. I think i managed throughout my life not respecting myself and dissregarding sex and just allowing my self to have no strings attatched sex. I have recently been seeing a guy who is amazing and from the start i told him EVERYTHING. We have a few issues with sex and me thinking that he was the same as every other man, cheating lieing and untrustworthy but we have managed to improve this and my sex drive has returned after a few cousolling sessions. Thing is now i think ive told him too much he still thinks i might have the capability to be how i was, to cheat and live a double life and i want nothing but hence finally finding the man i want to spend my life with i worry i may have damaged our relationship by being too honest. please help we're nearly at breaking point. Kind regards x"

Answer
Dear Kelly,

I very well understand your  scenario.

It is  good  that you were totally honest with this   guy about your past. Otherwise he will find  about your past and once again you will be  dumped

You say that the   guy you  have been seeing  now is  a amazing guy. May  be it is true, however my  question here is , is he   really a loving and  caring guy? If not, this  guy  will also  cheat  you eventually and will leave you

You have been honest with him,  and yet  he, after  some time has  started  doubting your genuineness.If his relationship to you  is  based on real  love, then he will not think about  leaving you so soon.

Best wishes