AboutKim Expertise I am a survivor. I know what it’s like to be the victim. I am now a Sexual Assault Victim’s Care Advocate. I have been certified as such since November 2000. I am currently a student who is specializing in trauma and abuse and the associated disorders and illnesses.
Experience I am a survivor. So, I not only have book smarts but, personal experience with what rape is and how much it affects the victim and his or her loved ones.
Education/Credentials I am working on my Master's in Psychology specializing in trauma and abuse. I am in addition working on two associate degrees in Social Work and Women and Gender studies.
Question Me and my friend met up with two guys one night. We were all expecting to have sex, i was a little nervous. We get to the house and my friend and her guy goes into another room. Well me and the guy, Alex start kissing, and he starts taking off my clothes. he tells me to sit on him but he wasn't wearing a condom, I hesitated but did it anyway, after about five minutes i told him i was scared and i didn't want to get pregnant. he didn't really say anything, all i saw was his face and him biting his lips. It was silent. After five minutes i tell him to stop. and he doesn't, i pushed a way but he locked his arms around me then unlocked them and told me 'i couldn't do that to him'. I feel like its my fault for leading him on. he was drunk but i wasn't. I ended up crying after he left and ended up pregnant having to get an abortion. he told me 'either i get an abortion or I'm on my own'. Is this rape? I'm having trouble determining if it is or isn't. Please help me, thank you."
Answer Erica,
Anytime you are not consenting to sex and your partner doesn’t listen when you say no, it is rape. I am so sorry that you ended up getting pregnant and having to abort the child. This just made this incident all the more hard. But, yes, this considered rape, at ANY point you can say NO, and if they don’t stop it is considered rape. You didn’t lead him on, you can at any point stop if you are not ready and it’s OK.
