Expert: Dr.Sunu Sundar - 6/19/2009

Question
QUESTION: Me and my friend met up with two guys one night. We were all expecting to have sex, i was a little nervous. We get to the house and my friend and her guy goes into another room. Well me and the guy, Alex start kissing, and he starts taking off my clothes. he tells me to sit on him but he wasn't wearing a condom, I hesitated but did it anyway, after about five minutes i told him i was scared and i didn't want to get pregnant. he didn't really say anything, all i saw was his face and him biting his lips. It was silent. After five minutes i tell him to stop. and he doesn't, i pushed a way but he locked his arms around me then unlocked them and told me 'i couldn't do that to him'. I feel like its my fault for leading him on. he was drunk but i wasn't. I ended up crying after he left and ended up pregnant having to get an abortion. he told me 'either i get an abortion or I'm on my own'. Is this rape? I'm having trouble determining if it is or isn't. Please help me, thank you."

ANSWER: Dear Erica,

Peace   be with you

Even though what was  done to you cannot  be  strictly called  as rape, yet I would call it as  forced sex.This  is because you  also have  a 'contribution' in the creation of the situation that forced you to  oblige  in  bed.


If you  write to me more about you and your family, studies, age  , friends in detail , I shall help you.

Did you already have  an  abortion?

With prayers

Dr.Sunu Sundar

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Sadly, Yes I had my abortion and it wasn't easy. I'm seventeen years old, march is my birthday so i got pregnant when I was 16. I have two brothers and two sister, brothers have drug issues and my sisters are the perfect. I'm the outcast in movies, like the ones on tvs.. I don't really talk to them. I don't have anything in common. I started using drugs in a way to cope with the pregnancy. It was so hard for me. I didn't think itd be this hard, right before it i held my stomach and told my kid I loved him, though i was three months bregnant, it still hurts, until people experience pregnancy, they don't know what it feels like to have a kid inside of you. I still haven't brought myself to forgive myself for it, people tell me its what I had to do.

Answer
Dear Erica,

I fully empathize with you.

I just want to tell you that  God  exists and He forgives  sins.
If  you seek forgiveness  from  Him  from the depth of your  heart and  ask Him to guide you in tour daily prayers,in the privacy of your room, I bet  you will be made  complete.

Have  a peaceful day.

Dr.Sunu Sundar