About Kelli Expertise I can answer questions related to childhood rape and sexual abuse and the effects of those experiences such as PTSD, chemical dependency, relationship conflicts, and coping strategies.
Experience I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
I have been a part of counseling, support groups, AMAC for years.
I have taken roles in peer support and peer counseling.
I am very well rehearsed in psychological therapy goals, roles, plans, and terms.
I worked in a Psychiatric Hospital for many years with Children, Teenagers, and Adults-- as well as Chemical Dependency.
I have been trained in and can perform psychological assessments.
Education/Credentials I graduated from college to receive my Nursing Degree.
I am currently enrolled in a RN-BSN degree
which will continue into a Master's Degree program.
I have a technical school certificate as a Psychiatric Assistant.
Question Me and my friend met up with two guys one night. We were all expecting to have sex, i was a little nervous. We get to the house and my friend and her guy goes into another room. Well me and the guy, Alex start kissing, and he starts taking off my clothes. he tells me to sit on him but he wasn't wearing a condom, I hesitated but did it anyway, after about five minutes i told him i was scared and i didn't want to get pregnant. he didn't really say anything, all i saw was his face and him biting his lips. It was silent. After five minutes i tell him to stop. and he doesn't, i pushed a way but he locked his arms around me then unlocked them and told me 'i couldn't do that to him'. I feel like its my fault for leading him on. he was drunk but i wasn't. I ended up crying after he left and ended up pregnant having to get an abortion. he told me 'either i get an abortion or I'm on my own'. Is this rape? I'm having trouble determining if it is or isn't. Please help me, thank you."
Answer I believe that anytime a woman says "No" and doesn't want to either have sex or continue to have sex and someone holds her down or makes it impossible for her to move and continues on anyway, is rape.
Is that what happened to you?
Now, could you prove it in a court of law?
Probably not, unfortunately.
But what you could prove is that he's the father of the baby.
And if you had wanted to keep the baby, he would have to pay child support for the next 18 years. You would not be on your own. But that can become a sticky situation because then you would have this guy in your life for the next 18 years dealing with visitation and custody. If an abortion was the best thing for you to do for yourself, then that's ok. If you did it because you thought you had no other choice, then I wanted you to know that you always have choices. They just may not be the kind of choices we like.
As a woman, you have the right to say no at any time, at any place and that should be heard. You have the right to say, "wear a condom or no sex" and not to feel bad or guilty about that. You have to take charge of your own body. You had a moment of hesitation and maybe should have listened to it. What happened to you was NOT alright. But I also hope that you never find yourself in that position again. Okay? The consequences of not listening to that voice inside all of our heads can last a lifetime. This was a bad deal all around.
I am not sure if I answered your question, Erica. I hope this in some small way, helped you. I wish you well.
